Songs about Home

So you may have figured out that I went back home this past weekend. My apologies to everyone I didn't get to see but it was a last minute decision and was for a short amount of time.

A few weeks ago I had a total meltdown. I think the last three months really caught up with me. Having my meds arrive in the mail was like fondant on the already frosted cake of shit in front of me. I have been very homesick and I can't find anyway to remedy it. The only person I really know in this town is headed back to Afghanistan at the end of the month and Chris is gone all the time. Even on days when he is supposed to be off he gets called in. I can't count on when I will get to see him so I am left doing things by myself most of the time.

And yes, I know he has had a crazy schedule for years. And I have been quite used to being responsible for my own entertainment for years too. But it's different here. Back home, I would know when to expect Chris so I would make plans with friends or family when he was gone. Here I don't have that. If Chris is at work, I'm sitting at home watching reruns of The Vampire Diaries.

I miss having dinner every week down at Tina's farm with all of the Moo family.
I miss having Farm Kitchen breakfast with my Mom and grandparents every month.
I miss having tea with my grandparents every Sunday.
I miss getting to roll my eyes at Deaira because she never knew what time she had to come to work.
I miss my monthly Seattle date with Julie. I don't have anyone down here that would drink a bottle of wine and watch the Glee movie in 3D with me :)
I miss going antiquing with my Mom.
I miss going to the Grand Theatre and watching indie movies with Christina.
I miss my book club ladies.

I'm going home, back to the place where I belong
Where your love has always been enough for me

I live in a city of millions and I can't call any of them more then an acquaintance.

And I'm surrounded by a million people I still feel all alone
let me go home, I want to go home

So I bought a ticket for a very quick one night trip back to Kitsap County.

Times have changed and times are strange,
here I come but I aint the same,
Mama, I'm coming home

I surprised my grandparents down at Farm Kitchen, went antiquing with my Mom, saw my favorite co-workers from Anthony's, ate Salmon for the first time since I left, had a Sunday BBQ with my grandparents,  and then headed back to the airport. It was a very fast 48 hours but at least I feel like I got to say "See you later" to people I didn't get to see before I left.

One of the things Chris and I talked about during my meltdown was that my situation has been different.  He says people move to new cities all the time. True. And people are diagnosed with illnesses all the time. Also true. So I'm not the only person in these circumstances.

But how many do it at the exact same time? I mean, I was out of the hospital for 3 days when I moved here.  When the snow melted, I was gone with it. I've been going through all of this without any sort of support system except for Chris. And frankly, one person isn't enough to get me through this. Especially when that person is unavailable.

My hearts like an open book, for all of the world to read
sometimes nothing keeps me together at the seams,
I'm on my way, I'm on my way,
home sweet home

I didn't blog much in April. I didn't really have anything nice to say. I had several Dr's appointments and got a second opinion on the lump on my thumb ( aka The Duchess). This doctor says it's a tumor. I think he may be right but he was so dismissive, I'm not letting him operate on me. He didn't even look at the x-ray.  He just rubbed The Duchess and said it's a giant cell tumor, I need surgery, with GENERAL ANESTHESIA. After his decree he said "Do you have any questions?" to which I replied " Yes. Are you even going to look at the x-ray?"

 He spent a total of 4 minutes in the exam room with me.

This is my body and there is no way that man is cutting into it.

Also I broke my molar in half :( And I had to pay $725 to have it fixed.

and we paid over $700 to register our cars  :(

So yeah, not such a good start.

But I feel very refreshed after this weekend. 70 degrees, moist air, and evergreen trees were exactly what my heart needed to get out of this funk.

The bluest skies you've ever seen are in Seattle
And the hills the greenest green, in Seattle
Like a beautiful child, growing up, free an' wild
Full of hopes an' full of fears, full of laughter, full of tears
Full of dreams to last the years, in Seattle
. . . in Seattle!

When it's time to leave your home and your loved ones
It's the hardest thing a boy can ever do
An' you pray that you will find someone warm an' sweet an' kind
But you're not sure what's waiting there for you!

The bluest skies you've ever seen are in Seattle
And the hills the greenest green, in Seattle
Like a beautiful child, growing up, free an' wild
Full of hopes an' full of fears, full of laughter, full of tears
Full of dreams to last the years, in Seattle
. . . in Seattle!

When you find your own true love, you will know it
By her smile, by the look in her eye
Scent of pine trees in the air, never knew a day so fair
It makes you feel so proud that you could cry!

The bluest skies you've ever seen are in Seattle
And the hills the greenest green, in Seattle
Like a beautiful child, growing up, free an' wild
Full of hopes an' full of fears, full of laughter, full of tears
Full of dreams to last the years, in Seattle
. . . in Seattle!

In Seattle . . . in Seattle . . . in Seattle!
"Seattle" by Perry Como