Tonight, We Are Young

Give me a second I need to get my story straight
My friends are in the bathroom getting higher than the Empire State

Okay, so that didn't actually happen. But there is a bathroom in this story.

You see, I got to spend the weekend with one of my best friends Julie. I was so excited for her to be here and get to spend a Saturday night out on the strip I even bought a new outfit.

Okay, I'll buy a new outfit for just about every occasion, but still...

Julie was in town for her friends wedding at the Mandalay Bay.I joined her after I got off of work. Our loose plan was dinner and a Cirque show but we had no set plans for either. Then we found out Chris was able to join us! Yeah! Now we could drink because we had someone to wrangle us and keep us on track. ( Sidenote: Chris won't even be offended by that quip because he has never even read my Blog. For real.)

We readied while waiting for Chris to arrive. See, Julie and I are three weeks apart and we are both turning 30 really soon. I showed Julie where my first real wrinkle is growing and she countered with her crow's feet. We talked about how it's Saturday night in Las Vegas! Let's Party! We could go to a club! But the music is too loud. The drinks are too expensive. Our backs will hurt in the morning. How did we ever do this when we were younger? Did we dress like whores like the girls do now? Maybe we could catch the early show and still get to bed early? I did work a whole 6 hours today....

When Chris arrived we had decided that we really wanted to see O at the Bellagio. Did I mention that besides the grocery store, the Bellagio is my favorite place in Las Vegas?  The Chinese New Year exhibit was still up and I am so glad that Julie got to see it.

But tickets to O were sold out :( So we decided to march down to the Treasure Island to see Mystere. Chris called the box office for us and they had a package for us that was two tickets and two buffet passes for $179. Poor Julie walked all the way to the TI in her ridiculously hot/awesome heels because I was under the impression that the TI was on the other side of Caesars. Not only is Caeasars enormous, the Mirage is between it and the TI. I felt terrible but there was no going back now!

Between the drinks and subtle things

the holes in my apologies

you know I'm trying hard to take it back

so if by the time the bar closes

and you feel like falling down

i'll carry you home

Julie and I at the Palazzo. Chris is on retainer as driver and paparazzi tonight.

When we got to the TI they were sold out of the buffet special. But they did have a 35% off locals only special we were able to get. So while we were able to get tickets, now we had to think about dinner. Chris was all over this for us. He is always looking for an excuse to go to Table 10, one of Emeril Lagasse's restaurants over at The Palazzo. When we went to Las Vegas for a vacation several years ago we had one of the best dinners of our life there. We talk about that Truffle Mac every time we eat Mac and Cheese! Beechers has nothing on it. NOTHING. Chris secured us reservations at 8 but Julie and I kept getting distracted by shiny things. Like a store called Nothing but Bling and of course, Swarovski. He had Mac and Cheese on the brain and was working really hard to corrall us towards Table 10. Words cannot describe that deliciousness that is Table 10. Maybe these pics can.

Chris has a dinner of Beef Cheeks. I ate one. It was literally melt in your mouth soft. When you touched it with your fork it just fell to pieces.

Julie had the little Lamb. And although she is G-Free, she ate the rolls because "It's inhuman that something that smells so good should be undigestable!" She is also responsible for the lovely bottle of Malbec blend we drank over dinner. Excellent choice Jules.

Why yes, I did have a side of bacon for dinner. Bacon infused with sriracha and served with a maple sauce. It was so thick and crispy it was more like jerky. Paired with the Truffle Mac it was heavenly.

A close up off that heavenly bacon. Yum.

A happy couple. I'm sweating from all the spicy bacon. 

We barely made it to Mystere on time. Oh Mystere, you were so confusing. You appeared to have no story line at all. It was all so random. Awesome. But random. You were also very overstimulating, I had no idea what to look at! I wasn't paying attention to what was happening on the stage because a half naked drummer girl was hanging 20 feet in front of me and she was interesting to watch. Julie and I were discussing the cast of characters trying to figure out the story.

• Did the pregnant bird people give birth to human babies?
• Why are there women in the balcony dressed like the Statue of Liberty?
• Who are the creepy George Washington style cult members that keep showing up?
• Why are grown men dressed as infants crawling across the stage?
• Why is there a 20 foot tall balloon snail sliding across stage? ( We were hoping it was a Trojan Snail and that hundreds of chinese contortionists were going to pop out. Never happened.)

And then I got sleepy. I didn't know it at the time but Julie did too. Something about the heat, the darkness and the music...zzzzzz.  I kept nodding off and then my head would snap back up. I didn't know that Julie was doing the same thing!

(Sidenote: We checked Wikipedia to find out what we missed about Mystere. The reason it was so random it because it was supposed to be a circus and all thc characters and acts represent emotions. Ummm... so not our fault we didn't get it. If you are ever in Vegas, I recommend Ka.)

We acknowledged the conditions made us sleepy but we still got coffee. Some of the other wedding guests had a table at Mix, the club at the top of THEHotel at Mandalay Bay. That club is 64 stories in the air. I was trying my best to play it cool but man it was swanky. All the table right next the window are bottle service only, so we sat towards the back, but it was really awesome and I would love to go back if I had someone to dance with. ( Chris doesn't dance). The bathroom stalls all faced outwards so you could look out onto the strip while you were peeing.

This is not from the bathroom, but from the table we are seated at. My phone has been dropped so many times it fails to take quality pictures anymore.

Chris, Julie and I left there around 12:30. We were all ready to hit the hay but the guys we picked up, other wedding guests, were giving Julie a hard time.  She was debating whether to stay out longer when I said, " You're not 30 yet." Well that was all the coercing she needed! And Chris and I decided to stay out longer too! In fact, we stayed out til 5am at Ri Ra Irish Bar. More guests joined us and we had a great time. I was really comfortable because I could just drink a Jamesons on the rocks and not pay $12 like at Mix, plus we could hear each other and there was food.  A gentlemen we were with named Josh was trying to get the bridesmaids drunk and kept ordering rounds. In fact he even challenged Julie that he could shoot faster.Ha! She replied with " I went to Central! Good luck at keeping up with me!"

Tonight, We are young

So let's set the world on fire

we can burn brighter than the sun

I think his first mistake was letting the girls choose the shots. Oatmeal cookies? I told Julie it was poor form to drink something called an oatmeal cookie in an irish bar but she couldn't care less. And later when the bartender suggested something " that ladies just love" with Bubble gum vodka and Red Bull ( ug.. yuck.. gag me...) they drank a bunch of those! Oh they smelled horrible, like Bazooka Joe Gum. I'll stick to my whiskey thanks.

In the end, I think Josh managed to lucky with another attendant and he owed his friend several hundred dollars when he took off with said attendant without closing his bar tab. I haven't heard the final outcome of that situation. Chris and I spend a lot of time snuggled in the corner sipping Jamesons and discussing how happy we are that we are no longer part of the dating world. That Josh guy was working hard on Julie and the blonde. Julie was rolling her eyes... a lot. It was hilarious. It was like dinner theatre at 3 am. At one point I mentioned to Julie, " You started out drinking a $70 bottle of wine and now you drinking bubble gum vodka." But that is how a night in Vegas progresses I suppose.

So if by the time the bar closes

and you feel like falling down

I'll carry you home tonight

Footnote: The song used in this blog is We Are Young by Fun. I took it a little out of context but it was either this, or Wiz Khalifa.

Post Valentine's Day Hangover

Wrapped up Valentines week and finally had some time to Blog. Now that I am out of the restaurant industry Chris and I were looking forward to being able to hang out together that day. Our big plans were to go see the movie Safe House. Romantic eh? We swore months ago that we would never go see The Vow. I can barely make it throught the trailer without wanting to cry. And now with the prospect of losing memory on the table there is NO WAY I'm watching that crap. I was off work early but Chris had to work late and we missed the movie. Instead we headed out to the buffett at Red Rock Casino for dinner and played our favorite Las Vegas game Girlfriend or Escort: The Valentine's Day Edition. We witnessed some very interesting fashion choices and some very odd pairings. I made a bouquet of tissue paper flowers for Sharon. She was admiring the tissue poms I made to decorate Chris's bosses office so it seemed the perfect Valentine's Day gift.

 Sharon's Valentine's Day Bouquet

Chris's bosses cublicle that we decorated for her birthday.

Did you notice I mentioned I got off work early? Who knew that I would get the first job I applied for? Well that's not entirely true. I sent out 30+ resumes to various positions on craigslist the second week I was here. It's rough sorting through Craigslist ads trying to figure out which ones were legit. 100's of ads go up everyday and maybe 15% are legit, and most of those are sex-work related. (Although I am seriously considering a part-time gig as a "phone girl". Although I am not sure I could keep a straight face and not laugh). Well I ran across an ad for temporary help at a local bakery. They needed someone to answer phones over Valentines Day weekend for $10 an hour. I can do that. It sounded perfect because I could make $300 quick. Plus, I didn't really want a job yet. I have never been unemployed and wanted a month or two off.

So I headed up there to find out they hired someone else an hour earlier. I was bummed. But I told the woman at the counter that if they ever needed any other help to please call me. I am an experienced baker and decorator as well as capable of answering phones. I even showed her pictures on my phone of cupcakes and cakes I have done. She took my info and said that if the phone girl flaked they would give me a call.

Well the following Friday I got a call from the manager. She asked if I was looking for a more permanent job. Her evening girl was taking some medical leave so it was temporary but long term because she would be gone months. I said "Yes!" and danced around the room! I was so excited! She offered me the job on the phone and told me the details and asked if I could come in the next morning and meet everyone before I really accepted, so I did.  And yes, I was really dancing around the room singing " I got the cookie job! I got the cookie job!" To celebrate we went to the Las Vegas Wranglers hockey match. It was Pink the Rink night and I got a kick out of the pink jerseys.

Well I am going to use pseudonyms from here on out. I had to sign a confidentiality and non-compete agreement in order to work there...and it has been interesting.

Little Cookie Shoppe is a cookie only bakery that specializes in designer cookies and cookie bouquets. It's run exactly like a flower shop but sub the flowers for ornately decorated cookies. I started the day before Valentines Day so it was crazy busy. They told me that it is the biggest holiday of the year for them and it would cool down to normal on Wednesday. I loved the first two days of my training. There was so much to do and so many gorgeous cookies to assemble. Wednesday and Thursday were awkward. I spent my two shifts navigating awkward silence with the woman I was hired to replace, Penelope. Friday and Saturday I finally got to decorate some cookies and those days were a lot better. Yesterday I worked by myself and it was the best day yet. No awkward silence and plenty to do since I was by myself. And for reasons I will not disclose, I still feel very sketchy about the whole situation and am still looking for another job.

And yes, people do ask you to write suggestive things on the cards. It's a riot. And I've already had 2 phone calls wanting penis cookies for a bachelorette party. We don't do anything erotic. But there is definitely a market for an erotic bakery in Las Vegas.

But here is a picture of my first bouquet from start to finish. From baking to decorating to assembling.

 And I am pretty proud of this Crown Royal cookie. I had to free hand draw the barrells, mugs, and bottle.

And everyday I lock up at 6 and get to see this awesome view of The Rio and The Palms.

In other awesome news, I have two friends in town this week and I am so excited to see familiar faces!

And my second MRI was finally approved by my insurance and scheduled. I'm ready for more answers. I just finished reading Awkward Bitch: My Life with MS by Marlo Donato Parmelee and while it wasn't the best written book, I really identified with her symptoms and feelings. I'm going to read some fiction before I tackle the Richard Cohen novel.

Also, Chris and I have a tentative plan on how to celebrate my upcoming 30th birthday. Since I will be in Vegas and none of my friends are here we are ... well as soon as we book it and make it official I will ummm... reveal... the surprise :)

And I am working on my Las Vegas Bucket List. I will publish it soon also.

An Open Letter to Sam

Dear Sam,

This weekend I hate your town. And yes, I'm aware that this a city and these problems arise in all cities but come the hell on dude.

For example...

Friday night I realized that I had only been in this neon desert for 17 days. It kinda feels like I have always been here. But then I drive the I-15 at night and can see the neon glow of The Strip and it's all Whoa. I live in mother fucking Las Vegas.

I was aware before I moved here that besides Detroit, Las Vegas was the hardest hit area in the US during the recession. The housing bust moved everyone out of their homes and onto the streets and it has the highest unemployment rate in the country due to casino lay offs. But I was never prepared to see was all the random violence. Everyone is in such despair down here. I was anticipating gang violence but I suspect that I am witnessing desperation and survival violence too. Two days before I moved here a man was shot and killed at the Walgreens next door.(I sort of blame the vic for this one though. Who thinks it's a good idea to buy Jordans off the back of a van in a Walgreens parking lot?) And a few days after I got here, an officer was shot but he fired back and killed the shooter a mere 4 blocks from our house. The shooter was a suspect in a murder the day before in North Las Vegas. He got in an argument with his girlfriends son and murdered him with a hatchet. Then he went to K-Mart and bought a chainsaw and cooler in order to dispose of the body. Awesome.

So on Friday Chris and I started making a mental list of all the random crap I had seen in the last 17 days.

1. A man walking down the street carrying a 3 foot piece of rebar over his shoulder. Either he stole it to sell or he stole it to beat some ass.

2. A kid under 12 getting his beat up by another kid in his rock yard. We were at the stop light and it looked so much like A Christmas Story we couldn't stop fricken-frackin laughing.

3. Two 40+ women beating each other up at the bus stop. While the other bus riders sat and waited for the bus.

4. Two cars without license plates weaving through the traffic, caravaning to someplace I definitely do not want to go.

5. At night we have seen a lot of cars that have some sort of darkness over the license plate numbers. You can read the state logo etc. but once you get one car length away the numbers turn to black blurs. We suspect that they are using sandpaper to dull the relective surface? Either way, these cars don't want their plates ran. And we don't want to piss these drivers off.

6. And the absolute worst thing we have seen was a 14ish year old girl, beat up and haggard, during the day when she should have been in school, being led through the cross walk by an older thug. When I first looked at her I thought " Oh that poor girl needs a shower and new clothes." and then light bulb moment! I looked at Chris " He's her fucking pimp isn't he!!???" and Chris said "Oh yeah". Ugh. My heart sank. It still hasn't bounced back up from that actually.

But yesterday Sam??? When I returned back to the house there were 6 police cars, two white vans and the K9 unit going through the apartments across the street. It was 8:30 am.

Then I arrived at my job interview at 9:45 am there were 8 Ethiopians drinking and arguing in front of the bakery. And I'm not being an asshole or a racist. This bakery is situated next to Queen of Sheba Ethiopian Restaurant. When I walked through I noticed they were drinking Corona's and whiskey right out of the bottle. In leather jackets. AT 9:45 AM!

But here's the real kicker. Chris asked me to buy supplies to decorate his bosses desk for her birthday so naturally I needed to go to the Dollar Tree. But in Las Vegas they have something called The 99c Store so I thought I would check it out. Turns out this is mainly a grocery store (Ewwww) but since I needed candy it was still a good option.

Scene: Me, looking at Snickers bars. Enter a young couple pushing a very full shopping cart full of Top Ramen, cans of chili, and wafer cookies. It's about a $100 worth of .99 items. Young girl in cut-offs picks up a bag of Fun-Yuns and places them in cart.Young man in do-rag takes Fun-Yuns out of cart and throws them on the floor.

Young man in do-rag: No baby. We're supposed to be eating healthy. NO chips.

There are no words.

I continue browsing. While staring at a rack of .99c Charlie Sheen "Winning!" 2012 Calenders I hear lots of shouting. There is an arguement somewhere. I look around and it's not in the store. It's coming from the parking lot so I don't care. The shouting gets louder and people are heading to the front of the store when it occurs to me. I have rockstar parking and those fuckers better not mess with my car.

I head to the front of the store and while my car is unscathed, a man is not. Two guys are beating anothers ass. Big time. Everyone is staying inside the store and watching through the window. Since I know my car is safe I head to the very back of the store. First, I'm not going to watch this mans murder. And I'm certainly not going to intercede and potentially get myself murdered. And second, I'm not going to get hit with a stray bullet if this escalates. Let those looky-loos up front get hit with a stray bullets.Again, I'm not getting myself murdered. As I head for the plastics department I hear of tires and a  peel out. When I am safely in the back, I get out my phone and text Chris ( BTW, If someone knows how to screencap a Droid X, I would really like to know.)

Me: There's goddamn fighting outside the 99c store. I'm staying inside until the police arrive.
Chris: Welcome to Vegas!

But the police never showed. All those people on the phone were talking to their husbands too. And eventually everyone went back to shopping for Fun-Yuns and Charlie Sheen calenders. I took my purchase up front.

Cashier: Did you see what happened?
Me: I heard it. I wen't to make sure no one was fucking with my car and then I went and hid in the back of the store.
Cashier: Me too. I ain't getting shot today.
Me: Me too girl! People in this town are crazy.
Cashier: Do you know what happened?
Me: No, I was hiding, remember?
Cashier: Oh. What happened was that the guys at (insert urban clothing store name here) saw a guy putting stuff in his car that he didn't pay for. He stole it see? And then he was walking in here so they came over and got in a arguement and then they fought.
Me: I heard tires peeling out? It was the shop clerks who were beating him up?
Cashier: Yeah. His friend was in the car and pulled around and got him away and they sped out.  $24.97 please.

 I told Chris this story when he got home from the hospital.

Me: .... So they didn't get their merch back. It was in the car. They just beat him up and he still got to drive away with it.
Chris: It's street justice. I like it.

So Sam, I am patiently waiting for something good to happen. I dare something peaceful to happen in this town. I'm also sending reciepts for all my lotion and Chapstick purchases for the last three weeks. I realize that my itchy arms are not from the dry desert air but from the literal thickening of my skin.

Cordially,

Angelina K. McKenna

P.S. Attached is the picture of Paul Blart Target Cop on his Tri-cycle I snapped yesterday.

The Open Road Song

I believe I mentioned that Chris and I have been sleeping on the floor? Well we have been negotiating whether we should buy a new bed, ship our actual bed, tough it out....etc. We can't afford to move out of where we are living now but we hope to be able to by May. And back home, we have The Best Bed In The World, but it would cost us over $1500 to ship our belongings down here and we don't have any place to put them. We did the math and it would be cheaper to just refurnish a place when we get one then ship and store the few things we still own.

(Sidenote: When Chris lost his job last November, we sold 80% of everything we own. Our little storage has towels, a lamp, a bookcase,books, art supplies and a table. So if I can fit my computer and cooking supplies in my Honda next month, everything is replaceable.)

Our plan was to go to the Ikea in Covina California on the way back and test mattresses. We had an Ikea mattress for Haley when she lived with us and it was very comfortable, it was also inexpensive. The only hitch would be if we could get it in the car. Chris drives a Honda CRZ. It only has 2 seats.Well sleeping on a bed at the Super 8 made the decision for us: we are buying a mattress. In fact I had a prophetic dream that night.... I had a dream that we bought a mattress and couldn't get it AND myself in the car. So Chris dropped me off at LAX and I flew one way to McCarran while the mattress rode shotgun with Chris. I told Chris this when I woke up and we laughed. When I got out of the shower Chris was waiting with a vary serious look on his face.

" Your a genius babe. You can fly on Spirit Airlines for $34."

We went to the Ikea in Sacramento to check out mattresses. We fell in love with the Sultan fjsdkjf. The best thing about memory foam mattresses at Ikea is that they suck all the air out of them and roll them up like little swedish crepes for you. Example:

 That is seriously a full mattress.

And here Chris is after he packed it in the car, explaining just how much larger a queen size mattress would be. And I fit in the car too!

Uncle Jacks wake was great. It was nice to meet a lot of Chris' cousins and put faces to names. But it was a little exhausting to meet so many new people. And so much of the conversation was about the chronic illnesses of his family members (who has had MRI's, CT's, Radiation) and people asking Chris about the details of his job. I can't handle all that right now.

Little Bodhi was wiped out too.

After the wake we went to The Old Spaghetti Factory in Roseville. I had to take this picture, even though Chris gave me the stink eye, because it was just too damn good to pass up.

Granted, Chris is a big dude (or BFG), he looks extra big next to his tiny Aunt Tammy. And the couch. and the delicate little wine glass. And yes, when he saw the pic he laughed and laughed and laughed.

And finally, we decided to take I-5 home instead of hwy 99. It was absolutely beautiful. California, you finally won me over. This route had a lot more agricultural farmland as opposed to the industrial farmland we saw on the way up. And we drove through the Mojave during sunset. Stunning. This is one of those things I'm glad I saw. My cell phone camera couldn't capture the beauty properly but I will leave you with these parting photos and some Open Road Song.

...I crack a window and feel the cool air cleanse my every pore as I pour my poor heart out...

...to a radio song that's patient and willing to listen, my volume drowns it out...

...Yeah but that's okay 'cause I sound better than him anyway, anyday, yeah my voice as sweet as salt...

...I search for comfort and I find it where I found it many times before, but times before can be forgotten...

...my pile shakes as I hit 80 on the open road...

...this is an open road song!...

Welcome to the Hotel California

Friday saw us heading out early to Sacramento for Uncle Jack's wake. I had never met Uncle Jack but I know he was a spitfire just from the stories I heard. (Plus, he would have to be to survive in this clan.)

I packed some "road food" aka grapes,cliff bars, rice chips, bananas and turkey wraps and we hit the road.
Oh wait... we didn't.

We tried to leave at 8:30am (it's a roughly 10 hour drive to Sac from Vegas) and Chris got a message that his prescription was ready at the pharmacy. We arrived at Target to find the pharmacy didn't open until 9am. Crap. Oh wait, let's go get fuel and come back. Right?

We got fuel and came back. Pharmacy still closed. It's 8:45. Let's go eat our turkey wraps.

We walk back in to Target for the third time. Pharmacy is open. Chris asks if I have my purse to pay for the script. Yes. But the pharmacy still needs Chris's ID and Insurance card. Chris goes back to the car. Again.

Prescription is paid for. We get in the car. Shit. You know what we are forgetting? Drinks. Let's go back in to Target again for some water. Chris can't stop laughing at us. I'm afraid Paul Blart Target Cop is going to roll up on his tri-cycle (Yes, the Target security guys here have 3 wheeled segway thingies) because we are so suspiscious. We didn't get on the road until 9:30.

But we spent the day mostly like this. Or at least I did :)

We arrived in Sacramento at 6:30. The drive really wasn't as horrible as it sounds. Except that I kept yelling at imaginary Californians for leaving so much plastic crap all over the highways. I mean seriously, it's like California never met a piece of plastic it didn't want to tie to tumbleweed and send rolling down the highway. This shit doesn't fly in Washington. In Washington we pick up garbage on the highway, decopage it, and post it on Pinterest.

It was wonderful to visit with Chris's family. Most of which we hadn't seen in years. His mother and grandma came down from Seattle too and they hadn't seen Chris since Thanksgiving. We got to meet all of his Aunt Dennie's adorable children. Colbie, the youngest, really took a liking to Chris wouldn't leave him alone. Kids always love Chris. I call him the BFG. Which is in reference to a book that nobody but me read as a kid I guess. 

And I met the new love of my life (or weekend)... Bodhi.

Bodhi and I have never met before but he almost instantly came and crawled up on my lap. He must know I like a man with a mohawk. I was on the Prednisone and am supposed to stay away from sick people, and Bodhi was pretty sick but I so didn't care. Getting sick would have been worth it.

This is where it gets good.

Because everyone was sick in that house, Chris and I opted to stay in a hotel. We hadn't slept on an actual bed in weeks and I was trying to limit my time around the sick. I didn't want to chance a virus on the same week I am to start my period AND possibly have a Spinal Tap. A girl can only handle so much.

We checked in the Super 8 Sacramento because it wasn't far down the road. Plus it was 11 o'clock and we just needed to sleep a few hours, luxury accomodations were not a priority. The desk clerk was stoned. And I mean  "Heh....What's up?... (long period of silence).... heh" kind of stoned. But if I worked graveyard at the Sacramento Super 8 I'd be stoned too. Chris was out in the car getting the bags while I checked in.

Then a young soldier, in his army cami's, exits the elevator with what is clearly a hooker. And this happens...

Stoner : Hey, nice to see you again. heh. heh.

Hooker: Yeah, you too. I'll be around more often.

(soldier hangs his head, refuses to make eye contact)

Stoner: Great. Let's talk more later. heh. heh

Hooker: Yeah, Ill be here more. Later boo.

Enter Chris, stage left

Then Stoner gives us the room keys and receipt.

Me: Are you going to tell me what room we are in?

Stoner: Heh. Awww... man...You know how it is?

Me: Yeah. Are you going to tell me my room number?

Stoner: (grabs receipt) ...(long pause) 308

Me: Thanks

We enter the elevator. I turn to Chris and say " you wouldn't believe..." and he interrupts" Oh yeah, I saw them outside. And you know what? I don't give a fuuuccck."

After 10 days of sleeping on a matt on the floor, that was the most comfortable bed I ever slept on.

We had the complimentary breakfast at the hotel. Waffles. The whole seating area was full of teenage Mormons quizzing each other on bible verses. It was very competitive. They were scolding each other for leaving out thy's and subbing them with the's. Hard to believe it was the same hotel we checked in to. When they left they were replaced with pre-teen cheerleaders.

OMG! How could you forget your makeup brushes!? It's like the most important weekend of your whole life!

One time my parents like said we were going to my grandparents and we went to like Disneyland instead. What if you like thought you were going to Disneyland and like you had to go to your grandparents instead?  Like OMG that's like a nightmare!

We left soon after.

After we grabbed our crap and was heading out the door of our hotel room, something caught my eye.

Me: Holy shit. There is blood on the toilet bowl.

Chris: What?

(Enter Chris stage right)

Chris: What the fuck is that?

(We stare at the red blood like substance that is on the outer rim of the toilet bowl. Then we notice the red fluid running down the back of the tank.)

Me: That's fucking disgusting. I'm not opening the back of that toilet tank. NOT IT.

Chris: Yeah, I saw a little blood drop on the floor in front of the toilet and I threw a towel over it so you wouldn't freak out about it. I was too tired to care about the housekeeping.

Me: What? Ew. Gross. Let me see.

(We move the towels off the floor. We see the red smear on the tile behind the toilet.)

Me: I'm not going near that toilet tank. Not it, not it, not it!

Chris: I think it's toilet grout.

Me: I think it's a biohazard. Let's go to the desk.

I told the gentleman at the front desk. He looked shocked and disgusted, rightly so. Chris and I escorted him up to the room where he was all "What the fuck?"  He got close enough to look, but you could see the horror on his face.

Desk Dude: I know what it is

Me: Blood

Chris: Toilet grout.

Desk Dude: Nail polish.

Umm say what? Nice try desk dude. He tried to convince us that it was nail polish. Only a man would make that up. Every girl know that nail polish is viscous! You can't smear it across tile and if it was dripping down a toilet there would be a little bubble at the end! EW EW EW!

And yes, I thought about taking a picture of it. But what if there was remains in the toilet tank and I fucking facebooked it? Not cool.

But Chris swears it wasn't blood. And if anyone knows about blood, it's Chris.

And in case you were wondering, we stayed at the Hilton on Saturday night. Lesson learned.

It's-so-for-effin-real day

I was anticipating that my next blog would be about our trip to California. But I have way too much on my mind right now to focus on that sort of merriment. Hopefully this will help.

I had my first official neurology appointment today. I could hardly sleep last night too. I was having nightmares that Dr. Germin was either Dr. Leo Spaceman from 30 Rock or Max von Sydow. Both of them carried giant metal needles and were trying to stab me in the spine. I woke up so nervous about the idea of having the LP today. Even though it was only a possibility. But still a nightmare inducing possibility.

Dr. Germin's office was very cold and clinical. I can't say I liked anything about it. It was all black and chrome and sleek. I told Chris I think they used it as a set in the movie Vanilla Sky and I was afraid that I was going to get wiped like Tom Cruise. ( And yes, it always comes back to Cameron Crowe with me.)

But it is official now. I have MS. Dr. Germin's PA Stephen seemed skeptical when we told him the story. He even asked how I knew the word Diplopia. I told him that's the fancy word everyone keeps using with me, I figured it should part of my vocab now. But after reviewing the MRI, he looked very somber. Chris said it was because he was focusing on taking notes for Dr. Germin, but I don't know. So far everyone looks very skeptical until the see the MRI, then they are very serious. It makes me nervous.

The good news is that I don't have to have a LP (Lumbar puncture or spinal tap). At least not yet. And as of right now I don't think I will consent to having one.

The good/notsogood news is that I have an official diagnosis of MS. He didn't even need to check my bands to tell me. He said my MRI was "very interesting" and that he could tell I have problems with left side. It's true. Things like numbness and tingling in my hands and the fact that sometimes my left leg stops working and I trip, I have had I chalked up to being fat and out of shape and they have mostly been on my left side.  We need to have another MRI done of my brain stem and spine. I think I will be able to handle it this time. If not, I have a bottle of magic valiums on my nightstand.

Also, I need to have another test done.  A Nerve Conduction Study and Needle Electromyography Examination. The word needle makes me freak out for a moment. But I guess it's more like accupuncture needles than the giant chrome needle of my nightmares. I will have this done on both legs and arms. The info sheet says it can take 45 minutes per limb!

So yeah. I did pretty well emotionally until we left Dr. Germins. Then I became a bit of a mess. I have been crying off and on all day. It's a combo of PMS and all of this hitting me. I have never had a broken bone, major illness or surgery and now I have to accept that I will require a lifetime of care. I will not always need this many Dr.'s appointments at once. This is a bit of a frenzy because we are in the diagnosis phase. And since I may not have another acute attack for years, I may not have to see a doctor for years. But right now it all feels so absolute.

It's hard to describe why I am freaking out today when I haven't been this upset about it yet. It's a mix of being frustrated that I feel PERFECTLY FUCKING NORMAL when the doctors make me feel like I should feel like an invalid. But I don't. And worrying about how much Chris is worried about me. We had Stephen print off a copy of the MRI summary for us. Chris read it and was all "whoa.crap". He understands what all of these heiroglyphs mean.  To me it's like this:

numbers numbers numbers

Findings: some shit about my ventricles... at least 4-5 small nodular and patchy areas of increased T2 stuff in my white matter measuring up to 12mm in my right frontal lobe.....

Impression: shit shit shit...abnormal T2 signal in the white matter tracts most prominent in the akdjfaklj region of the right frontal lobe ...demylinating process. Otherwise unremarkable MR examination of the head.

All I really want to hear is unremarkable!I wish my brain was really as unremarkable as I want to be. And my spine. Ugh. Can't wait to get the remarks on that :(

I've been feeling really good about this. But today was really bad for me. I found some books I want to read on MS. Including one by Richard Cohen, the husband of Meredith Viera. He has had MS for almost 40 years. (Of course he can't use his left arm anymore, can only walk the length of a city block and is legally blind.) He described his vision as like looking at everything as an impressionist painting. I hate impressionists. If I get to choose I want surrealism and cubism. But honestly, that's really what I had last week with the diplopia. And I hated that too.

Oh and I didn't have a 6th nerve palsy. I had an Optic Neuritis. He said it's not caused by my sixth optic nerve because that would have caused blurred vision, it's from the nerves in my spine. That is what causes double vision. So what are all those areas in my brain from? And what in hell in going to show up on my spinal MRI?

Anyway, I will leave you with some lyrics. We listened to a lot of our favorite road trip music over the weekend and this included the Jimmy Eat World album Futures. The song 23 has always gotten to me but now more than ever.

Amazing still it seems
I'll be 23
I won't always love what I'll never have
I won't always live in my regrets

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine

Leaving On a Jet Plane

Tuesday arrived and saw me off. The genius that Jessica is, she brought her 4 year old with her and it really softened the sting of my leaving with my Mom.

And yes, I was prepared to go head to head with the TSA about my eyepatch. My eyeball, not some C4, is located under there! I went without the patch at home but had to wear it in public. Florescent lights made my vision so much worse. The barista at Starbucks and the TSA agent made funny pirate comments. And I got to board first, which I could have done anyway with my first class ticket.

Let's talk about first class for a moment. This was my first time and while the seat was definitely nicer, there is a certain level of comraderie in coach that first class is lacking. My seat neighbor never spoke to me, even though I tried to talk to him. And when the awesome flight attendant Fransisco with his super sexy gay latino accent asked me if I wanted drink, and I replied " Is there whiskey here?", he didn't even wait for Fransisco to reply, he cut in with "Of course, it's first class."

And since Alaska Air charged me $30 for being 6 lbs overweight with my luggage, I drank 3 of those complimentary bitches. That's right Mr. Uptight-First-Class-Businessman, your glamour pirate seatmate can drink 3 Jack Daniels ON THE ROCKS in an hour and a half. This is something that counts in the lower classes of coach. Suck it. He also rolled his eyes when I asked if he could grab my carry on for me. Um... clearly my peripheral vision is limited jerk. Do you want me to drop it on your head?

Anyway, yes I was drunk and dropping my carry on in the airport. I can only imagine the idiot I looked like to Chris when I finally found him at baggage claim. But I'm so glad to be reunited, even under these circumstances.

So here we are. We are living with Sharon, the lady that Chris is renting a room from. She happens to be Chef Paul's Mom from Anthony's. She is a pretty cool lady. I arrived down here with three suitcases of books and clothes. We have a bedroom where we sleep on the floor and all the other furniture is pink :) I had the manic break up moment where I cut off all my hair. I look like a first lady but I love it. I though I would have a panic attack when I saw all the hair on the floor but it turns out that even temporarily loosing your sight makes you not give a fuck about something like hair.

Chris set me up with a highly recommended doc down here, Dr. Vesna. I automatically loved her. She was an Opthamologist in Czechoslovakia before she came to the US and re-enrolled in med school. That is dedication. And I love a doc who wears knee high boots with her lab coat. And has a pink stethescope when she is not a pediatrican. She sent me to Dr. Kelly, the Opthamologist, who told me that there are several spots on my MRI and put me on a two week course of Prednisone.

But it all comes down to this. So far, no one can officially say to me "Yes, you have MS. You have ( insert type here) MS, and this is what we can do about it." Except the Neurologist. I have my first appointment with Dr. Germin, who is apparently the MS guru around here, on Feb. 6th. This was the earliest we can get in but we are willing to wait. He came highly recommended from other docs and Neurologists that Chris spoke to. So far it's just "Yes, this is what MS looks like in the brain. You need to go to the Neurologist."

So Feb. 6th is the day. The this is so-for-fucking-real day. It's the day when I find out if they need another MRI of my brain and spine this time ( UGH!) and the day when they will schedule the most conclusive test, THE SPINAL TAP (triple motherfucking ugh) or as they like to sugar coat this shit, The Lumbar Puncture. But Chris said they have to check my bands to know everything they need to know.

I will keep everything updated on this blog. Facebook makes it seeem so gossipy. I have lots more good stuff to write about too. 5 days with impaired vision will make even this smallest things seem like magic. And the one thing I learned in the last week is that mine are numbered. Statistically I will live 10 years less then the rest of you. And I only have about 15 -20 years before mine get really shitty. So the rest of my life starts now. There are no more " I have time to..." thoughts left in my head. I know I have a while before this becomes a real disabling issue, but I'm not counting on anything any more.

I'm going to see everything I possibly can before I maybe can't see anything any more. I'm going to eat everything I can before I can't tell people about the crazy shit I ate anymore. I'm going to touch everything I can while I still have use of my fingers, and arms, and hands. I'm going to run as much as I can while I can still use my legs (I'm so glad I lost enough weight already that I can actually run now). I'm going to enjoy every single facet of this crazy little world while I have time here. I'm going to hug all of you and tell you when I think you are being stupid everytime I possibly can. I'm going to stick my hands in the mud and drive off into the sunset and save all my breaths for marveling at artwork and babies and sunsets.

What happened next...

I slept for 2 hours that night.

I was prescribed a 3 day Solumedrol infusion, so I continued my treatments on Sunday. That was also the day that I had to tell my Grandparents that not only do I have MS, I'm moving out of state in 2 days to seek treatments

I also had to quit my job of 6 years. There were tears. Mine were building up in my eye patch. As much as I don't miss the work that I did, I miss my Anthony's family.

Chris was supposed to come home to visit on the next Thursday, but he was able to get a last minute flight change to fly me to Vegas on Tuesday. First Class! In an eyepatch! That my Mom and Grandma helped me bling out. I mean, if you are going to wear an eye patch, WEAR the damn patch. Don't let it wear you.

As you can tell, I'm injecting a lot of humour into this. I've never been one to sit around and say "Woe is me," and after the initial Saturday night frenzy I was able to do some more research and really learn about what MS is. I thought I only new one person who has MS, Patricia. If you work at Antwan's you know Patricia. She comes in in her big power chair, can barely hold her head up, cries a lot, spills wine, falls over in the ladies room and is always mumbling to herself. For about 12 hours, I thought this was my future.

But that's not true. Patricia is a worst case scenario. And I know now that I haven't been dealt a death sentence, I've been issued a disability sentence. But it can be really hard to deliniate between the two when you are the person being diagnosed. MS is a disease that affects every person differently. It's an autoimmune disease that can affect any part of your body. Turns out double vision ( Diplopia) is the most common attack that people who have MS can identify. After reading through the symptoms and talking to 4 different doctors so far, I know this wasn't my first attack. It's just the first one I recognized. It's also a disease that attacks twice as many woman as men and between the ages of 25-35. And four times as many people are diagnosed with it in the Pacific Northwest then anywhere else in the United States. So it turns out I am a perfect candidate. But don't be concerned blog readers, it isn't hereditary but it is genetic.

So I spent Sunday and Monday telling my closest friends why I am suddenly dissapearing. It was hard. Leslie Gay, you get the award for taking it the hardest. You are my oldest friend and I wanted to be able to tell you in person so much but that would have made it even worse. And my sister, who I haven't even spoken to in over a year, got a ticket and chewed out a cop for pulling her over when she got the news.

The big irony of all of this is that I have become so obsessed with my health over the last few months. I was really concerned with my weight and potential diabetes that I have completely changed my eating habits. It's been 5 months with NO fast food. 3 months weening myself off of processed food and I had been back in the gym for 6 weeks. I lost 34 lbs. for peets sake! I'm wearing a size 16 pant now. In fact, one of the errands I ran with my Mom that same morning was dropping off all my size 20/22 pants and clothes at the Goodwill. The doc prescribed me Prednisone and I cracked a joke about how I was going to have to buy my fat pants back :)  He looked unclear about how to react to that.

Oh and Meagan Stokke, I could never have packed without you. Thank you for being so well organized when I was a mess. We didn't forget anything. And I haven't worn a single pair of socks, it's been so nice.

Blog #1

So by now you know. At least part of it. You know I am in Las Vegas, but not why. I hope I can give you some answers or some more information if you know what is going on. But I'm a little over reciting all the details so this will be condensed a little.

I'll start at the beginning...

Saturday the 21st of January

6am: My phone was chirping and I picked it up to make it stop. The screen was double and blurry and I thought to myself, "I'm too tired for this." Commence sleeping.

9am: I wake up for real and head to the bathroom. Everything is still a blur. I start to wonder what I had to drink last night. It was only a glass of wine over dinner. Everything is weird and double. I can't focus on anything. There is two of everything and I am so confused. Considering I have been snowed into the house for the last three days, I start to wonder if I have ACTUAL cabin fever...

10am: Even though I can't see anything singly, I'm dying to get out of the house. I tell my Mom she will have to drive because I feel weird and have double vision. I text Chris and he thinks maybe I have an ear infection. But I don't really believe him because I feel fine. My head doesn't hurt, my ears are fine, etc. I'm not prone to migraines but maybe I'm getting a migraine?

230pm: Excedrin Migraine is recalled, who knew? Eye drops didn't help, Tylenol and an energy drink didn't help. I've been texting with Chris all day and told him that I was going to go to Urgent Care if this wasn't better by 3. I know myself and this is uncharacteristic and strange.

3pm: Dr. Haydu (love him) at Urgent Care is concerned. He says I am suffering what is called a Sixth Nerve Palsy. He calls a Neurologist who says I need an MRI and to go to the ER, because this is symptomatic of a much more serious condition. Even though it is a worst case scenario, I'm not taking any chances. We head to the ER.

6pm: I'm admitted to the ER. One of the benefits of having a medical husband is that I know most of the medical professionals in this town. I was fast tracked at Urgent Care and I knew my admitting nurse and ER Tech. I meet the ER Doc, Dr. Ast. He runs the same tests as Dr. Haydu and sends me to MRI.

Let's just talk about MRI's for a second. I told them I was fine with the MRI as I have never had claustrophobia before. But I imagined it being more like a tanning bed and less like being inserted into a tampon! I got half way in and made them pull me out. Umm, Valium please! I'm not going to go into the idiot nurse who came and spilled my blood everywhere. I had to clean myself up with tissues while she held the line with her damn thumb. And my tech, Justin (Chris' former partner) , chided her with the "if you only knew whose wife you were messing with" face. By the way, being asked if you are THE Mrs. McKenna in the ER feels really good.

That MRI was intense. Once I didn't care that I was shoved in a tampon, they started with 30+ minutes of machine gun fire! Ugh. I told the tech that they should use them at Guantanamo Bay, because if I knew any state secrets I would tell them all in order to get out of the machine.

10pm: I've been texting Chris poorly spelled texts all day.  We are just waiting for results and Mom and I are laughing and hoping the MRI shows that I have a chunk of mascara in my eye and man am I an idiot.

But that's not true....

I have MS. Multiple Sclerosis. Yep. Whoa. Good thing I am on valium.

I made Dr. Ast show me the MRI. I don't know how to read these things but dammit I need to see this!
I'm not going to listen to some stranger and accept his life altering news. I want to see it! And I did. They showed me the spots of inflammation in my brain. I thought I could see three. Turns out there are several more. I broke this news to Chris on the phone. He was on a case at a hospital in Las Vegas and luckily his boss was right there when I broke the news. He was sent home and you can imagine that we spent the rest of the night on the phone crying. We agreed that I needed to come Vegas ASAP. So long old life, the new rest of my life begins now.

I want to thank Jessica Martinez for coming to my rescue at the hospital. It was awesome to have a friend there listening to the Dr's orders while my Mom and I cried.  And then to help me home and eat oatmeal and listen to me crack jokes about blinging out my eye patch...my future walker...my inevitable wheel chair....

So there you have it. There was no bar fight. I just started a rumor about myself so I didn't have to talk about what was really going on until I had more answers. But gettting middle of the night texts asking if I really got in a bar fight and lost an eye or if it was true that I was in a treatment program in Nevada was priceless. Really, you guys think I am way cooler than I really am.