Thirty One

Earlier this month, I turned 31. It freaked me out for about a week prior. The whole realization that 30 was over.... ick. And here is why...

I'm no longer 30. I'm IN my 30's.

I was on an edge, now I'm completely, undeniably thirtysomething.

(Thirty-ish?)

( I think I like that better.)

I think all the hype about turning 30 comes from the expectations we give ourselves when are younger. Expectations about the things we will do when we are adults. Because when you are 30, you are clearly an adult ( or so you think when you are 18 -24). So when we see ourselves reach that line, we panic, we withdraw, we deny. We dust off these mental lists from 10 years ago and realize we haven't made any progress.

 " I'm such a failure! 30 can't be happening! I never backpacked through Europe. I never followed Hoobastank on a North American tour! I haven't read Lady Chatterly's Lover! I don't have 1.5 kids! I never went to Lake Havasu for MTV Spring Break! I still don't know who let the dogs out!!!".

Maybe somewhere along the way we should have updated our lists? Maybe we do. Maybe that's why 40 freaks everyone out also. Because we realized we haven't completed our second chance list?

I'm sure you twenty somethings are rolling your eyes at me. And I'm sure you forty somethings are rolling your eyes at me too. Old People. Young Bucks. We are one and the same.

But here is what the surprise was for me while I aged between 30 and 31.

The aging.

The god damn aging.

I had no idea that your 30's require so much maintenance! I really thought it was optional. Or only for the vain. And I suppose ultimately it is optional and that some of it is just for the vain. And maybe it is because I shy away from those hateful women's magazines but I didn't know any of this.

(Is being out of touch with these modern realities a sign of aging too? If it is, I'm screwed.)

I HAD TO PURCHASE AGE DEFYING CONCEALER.
 I say "had to" because the dark circles under my eyes are no joke. And trust me, I sleep 7 to 8 hours every night. Lack of sleep is not the problem.

UPON APPLYING SAID CONCEALER, I REALIZED MY EYE SKIN DOESN'T BOUNCE BACK THE WAY IT USED TO.
 Fuck. Gross. See you later elasticity. I never liked you anyway.

( no seriously, please come back. I miss you.)

ONE DAY, CHRIS LOOKED OVER AND SAID " YOU HAVE CUTE LITTLE CROW'S FEET."
I would hate him but he is right. Maybe I hate him for being right.

I HAVE A VERICOSE VEIN ON MY FOOT.

MY BOOBS ARE NO LONGER ON THE UPPER THIRD OF MY CHEST.
Not entirely true. One of them is.

I CARRY A $20 TUBE OF DRY SKIN CREAM IN MY PURSE AT ALL TIMES.
And I apply it everyday because I will look like a dragon if I don't.

I TAKE 6 VITAMINS A DAY. I CARRY THEM IN MY PURSE. ALONG WITH PAIN MEDICATIONS.
Because I have enough pains that I always need to be prepared for them? Sad truth.

A MONTHLY MASSAGE IS NO LONGER A SPLURGE, IT'S A NECESSITY.
Same goes for Chiropractic.

THE GYNOCOLOGIST TOLD ME I'M RUNNING OUT OF TIME.
Die bitch, die.

I HAVE A FLEX SPENDING ACCOUNT.
Two years ago I didn't even know what this was.

I SPENT $27 ON A CONCEALER CALLED ERASE PASTE.
It's the only thing thick enough to cover my broken capillaries. Yep, broken capillaries. Ew.

MY USE THE  TOOTHPASTE SOLD BY THE ELDERLY PEOPLE IN SENSODYNE COMMERCIALS.
Pronamel Whitening. I have way too much enamel erosion.

I want to clarify that I am not complaining about any of this. It has just been alot to absorb. I expected all this stuff to happen when I became an adult. You know, after I had 1.5 kids, paid property taxes, went on a Carnival cruise and other adult things. And I plan on doing nothing about any of it. Nothing. No Botox, no Restalyne, no surgeries or procedures. De nada. Zero. Nothing.

I plan on aging gracefully. So I apply hempseed hand protector generously. I use a day cream and a night cream. I SPF myself to death. I swallow 6 vitamins a day and my nails grow strong and white. I brush and floss twice a day. And I will confess to you my most revolutionary secret. Seriously.This one gets gasps. Are you ready?

I quit coloring my hair.

Yep.

September was the last time I colored it and I had them try to match it as close as possible to my roots. It has been nearly 8 months.

I have grey hair too. Quite a bit for my age. I like it. Liking my grey hair was the biggest bit in learning to let go of hair color. I look forward to having long pretty grey hair. I never want to be in that awkward phase of grey roots and colored hair and than having to cut my hair old lady short in order to get rid of it. Not this girl.  My hair stylist is horrorfied. To the point of asking me everytime I see her if I am ready to change my mind. It's getting annoying. She called other stylists over one time and tugged at my curls and said" She's letting them grey. She's giving up the color." They were stunned. Who knows how I will feel about this later. But right now it feels really good.

And on my off days I choose to think of my hair as turning California blonde. Because the hair isn't grey, it's white.

Well it's 8:30 now. Time to go brush, floss, wash, exfoliate, and tone. I will brush my hair, tweeze my loose brow hairs, and rub coconut oil on my elbows and ankles. I will pour a glass of wine and try to finish my book but I will probably just fall asleep. C'est la vie.

Heart

No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.
-Buddha

I'm not sure I know enough words to fully describe the last 72 hours. Just imagine every word for generosity you can think of and roll it into one big emotion.

When Chris and I signed up to do the MS Walk in March, we imagined we would have plenty of time to raise some money. The website tells you that the average team raises $400 and is comprised of 4 people. Since there are two of us we set our goal at $200.

And as you all well know, life happens.

So Friday morning rolls around and I start pumping for donations on Facebook. The first one rolls in and we are excited...

...and the ball keeps rolling....

Can I channel my inner Sally Field here and just say " You like me....You really like me."

Because in 48 hours we managed to raise $500!!!!!!!!

That's two zeros my friends.

Five.Hundred.Dollars.

I have a debt of gratitude for each and every one of you. You have truly made me feel like one special lady. Even those who couldn't donate because your emotional support means millions to me as well. I texted a co-worker that I feel overwhelmed knowing that I have the best friends a girl could ever ask for. She agreed. She says it must be because I must be such a good friend. I hope she is right. And I now have a lot to live up to.

So here is a slurry of photos from this morning. Also, since I love to share what songs I've been jamming to lately. Here's a little video to provide the soundtrack. I downloaded this album to listen to on my flight back to Washington in March because I loved the Phillip Phillips song "Home" so much. And not surprisingly, I love this song even more. I fell in love from the first verse.

 MS Walk 2013

 

 

They gave me sharpie.

Chris and the official shirt. He also let me have control of the sharpie.

 

Ready to Walk!

 

We found The Dude. I wanted to invite him out for White Russians after the walk. Chris ix-nayed that idea.

And this happened. We walked past this church and well, how could you pass it up? I received a lot of cheers for running over and posing, but I didn't see anybody else do it. It turned out to be the greatest photo of my life. I want this etched on my tombstone.

 

Team Emerald City Exiles after the finish line! Our first 5K under our belts. Yes, it was a walk. But we have to start somewhere, right? We are signed up for another one in May. Our plan is to walk/jog.  Clearly we are overweight, but we are working on it. It's a marathon, not a sprint eh?

 

 

 

I had to take this photo for my girl Shauna. You're welcome.

 

 

Thank you again and again and all over again. Now go hug your loved ones. Eat chocolate. Or better yet, a Cool Ranch Dorito Taco. Because I finally gave in and tried one today. Life will never be the same.

 

And I will love you all long after you are gone, gone, gone.

We Are Timeless

Forgive me readers for I have sinned.

It's been nearly two months since my last blog and during this time countless things good and bad have occured.

I have made a stronger commitment to my well being and have been considerably less symptomatic than the last time you heard from me. I have taken all my vitamins everyday for the last two months ( But I'm still off my meds but you will have to forgive me for that.) I have forsaken working any hour beyond my scheduled time and am really trying to leave work at work and not worry about it during my off hours.

I have made great efforts to experience my life while it is happening. Hence, less blogging and less Facebook interactions. I have instead made efforts to hang out with real people and I think I have made a few friends.

I indulged in frequent flier miles and visted my Mother. And I gladly spent an enormous amount of money to spend a week with family when we lost our Grandmother Judy.

So in a way, this is a blog about death. Or living life. However you choose to think about it.

Chris and I are in love with a band called The Airborne Toxic Event. They are the best band you aren't listening to. The lead singer and songwriter Mikel Jollet has had some crap happen in his life and now he writes some beautiful music about it. Like me, he has an autoimmune disease. He has also suffered having 4 family members die close together. He is pretty obsessed with living and dying you might say, having his fair share while trying to absorb the mental mind fuck that is knowing that your body is its own worst enemy. Along the way, some girls dumped him. So he gave up his career as a successful writer and started writing songs.

I get him. I do.

I'm also pretty obsessed with living my life.

I'm going to spare you all of the details but Chris and I headed to San Francisco yesterday to see The Airborne at the Warfield Theater. They were incredible as always. They played their new single Timeless of the new album (that comes out on the 30th. Buy it.) and it resonated. Mikel explained that he wrote it after having 4 members of his family die including finding his Grandmother when she passed. We had already decided to drive to Half Moon Bay in the morning to see the ocean when we checked out the video for Timeless. It takes place at the ocean. Grandma Judy loved the ocean. I love the ocean.

Sometimes, so many things in your life just some together. And a song can definitly capture memories. I think I have found the song for this period of time.

 

I present to you Timeless by The Airborne Toxic Event

( and some pics from our trip to the bay)

 

 

 

We are, we are
We are timeless, timeless
Everything we have, we have,
Everything oh my god.
You are, you are,
The only thing that makes me feel like,
I can live forever, forever
With you-