Progress Report!

It's not "Transformation Tuesday", which I just found out is a thing btw, but it is the 5 week mark and the day of the MS Walk and I have pictures to share!

As you may remember back in the blog Cha-Cha-Changes that I started a 5 week long boot camp style fitness program called Kaia FIT. I also promised to use this blog to hold myself accountable for the changes I needed to make. We made some nutritional changes like no longer having vegetable oil or margarine in the house. I have been cooking nearly every night and going heavy on the veggies and less with the grains. I have even managed to get Chris to go for walks with me and scouted out a 2, 3 and 4 mile route that starts and ends at our door. I tried a new class at my gym every day for a week so I could see the ones I want to stick with and which ones I hate. ( I'll take pie and lattes over Pilates any day thank you.) and I have been working on my cardio by setting up new challenges every time I get on the treadmill.  Like last week I put 5 Britney Spears songs on my iPod and hit shuffle. Every time she told me to "Work bitch " I added 1 mile to my speed (3.5 to 4.5) and jogged until the end of the song. This week I made myself run (4.7) every half mile for  at least 1/10th of a mile. So I did run over 1/2 mile and that's a start :) On 4/17 I timed myself for a 5K. I went as fast as I could walk, slowed as I needed to, and my time was 56:26. I was just glad it was under an hour. However, on 4/25 after I set the new challenges, I timed myself again and came in at 53:03! I still do a 17 minute mile but I'm improving every week. My goal is to run at least 1 mile of the 5k I'm signed up for in June.

I took the photos the same way so I could prove to myself that side by side there is a difference. Also, so I could see the different fit of the same item.

and yes, I have since washed  the hand prints off my mirror :)

 The picture on the left was on 4/26, the picture on the right was taken 3/18.

 The final numbers are 220.3 lbs, so 4.5 lbs lost, and 9.75 inches!

I think the big thing that happened was a kind of restructuring. My "weight" loss wasn't huge because I gained muscles but it's definitely noticeable in my mid section. My clothes are starting to fit differently too. As you can see I have had to find clever ways to ties that bikini top on and get it to stay up. I lost 2" off my bust and 3" off my waist so it's too big now. Plus I can pull the bottoms up much higher then I could before. I think that I will actually need a new bikini for summer :)

Speaking of bikinis, I sent in a photo to The Militant Baker on her Facebook page when she asked for photos of women in their bikinis. Jess Baker, aka The Militant Baker, writes a great blog about body love encouraging ALL women to love their bodies. She is a plus size woman and really encourages women to not feel ashamed and to embrace what they have. I know I am fat but I don't think of fat as a bad word. I always figured if the worst thing someone can say about me is that I am fat, then I must be pretty awesome! My fat doesn't make me feel unpretty, other people do. If we can just accept that it is not our job as women to make other people feel comfortable we will all feel better.  As far as bodies go, it should be our job to make ourselves comfortable. I'm not going to wear long sleeves in the heat because I have big arms and I don't want people to see them because they will think I am gross. I'm going to comfortably wear a tank top and if you don't like it you can leave.  See how that works?  We both just made ourselves more comfortable. Anyway, I sent in her a picture and she used it in a post on Facebook. It really made my day.

These ladies might not be for you, but that is my point. It's about them. They feel pretty and sexy and awesome and that doesn't need to be validated by your opinion.

 And I'm sure some of you are thinking, "Well Angelina, if it's so cool to be fat why are you trying to lose weight?" I'm not trying to lose weight to be skinny and look cute in a swimsuit, as far as I'm concerned I already look cute in my swimsuit. But I felt unhealthy. I felt tired. I had no energy. In the last 5 weeks I have reduced the pain in my hip. My plantar fascitis has gone away. I can stay awake past 9 pm. I'm not afraid of dropping things on the floor because I am not afraid of picking them back up. I don't know these other women. I don't know their life or how they feel, I only know mine. So I'm doing what it takes to make myself more comfortable with myself. See how that works?

Today was the day of the Sacramento MS Walk and I have to thank everyone for their support. We raised $540 this year and this year, walking 3.1 miles was breeze.  I bought a new Wonder Woman shirt and the weather held out for us :)

 MS Walk 2014

And since you know I can't resist taking silly picture... Remember that awesome photo from last year? The one where we walked past the chuch that had a great sign and we snapped the picture I want on my tombstone.

Well they had another message up this year. I took offense to it.

Because who has two thumbs and is special? Clearly I'm pretty special :)

-Angelina

Greetings Earthlings!

Greetings fellow Earthlings!

Tuesday was Earth Day and Chris and I decided to celebrate in style by "driving through the mountains in a hybrid car." ( That's a direct quote from Chris by the way.)

But reality is that Chris and I drove to Reno to have dinner.

It was Tuesday and it was 3:00 and it was a beautiful day here in Sac. I really wanted to take our exercising outside so we could see some Earth. Chris decided we should go to Folsom Lake instead of our usual route so we got in our car and headed east on I-80. As our exit approached he convo went something like this:

C: (reading road sign) Reno 126 miles
A: We could be at the Hash House a Go Go by dinner.
C: Yeah but we are not really dressed for Reno.
A: Ummm... it's Reno. You're kidding right?

He had a point. I was wearing a tank top, some stretchy pants, and my running shoes without a stitch of make up on. My hair was in a  Idontwannadomyhairsoiwilljustbraidit disaster. Chris was wearing a t-shirt, shorts, and running shoes. But he was talking to the girl who wore gold sequined gift shop slippers the entire time we were in Reno last time. (That's a whole other story.) But that was good enough because we cruised right past our exit and headed to Reno!

The drive through the Sierras is always beautiful but it's very dry right now. We are having a horrible drought and the snow levels are practically non existent. I wanted to stop and get some pictures and Chris kept exclaiming that it was 36 degrees and I am a crazy woman. A crazy woman who won in the end.

    

Also, these pictures are the first full body ones I have had taken in a while and I was surprised to see the changes in my landscape. But more of that in the next blog.

At this point Chris was rooting around in his car for extra layers. He found some pajama pants. Weird, right?

We also stopped at a vista point overlooking Donner Lake where we saw some beautiful Earth. The above pictures are unedited but I did use some Picasa filters on the ones below.

Not too shabby Earth. Not too shabby at all.

We arrived in Reno at 5:00! Really it's not awful, some people commute that long to the Bay for work everyday. We went to the Sierra Trading Post store right away. That store is awesome for deals on outdoor wear and gear. I clearly needed a shirt. I found a cheap zip up but we also found one of the most horrid items of clothing ever produced. 

Size 42 French Fry Shorts? Is this necessary? 

You may be wondering why would drive so far to eat at a place called Hash House a Go Go. The hash house is one of the places we LOVED when we lived in Las Vegas. They sell "Twisted Farm Food" which is code for " Giant Fucking Portions" and the food goes beyond gimmicky, it's actually delicious. I know I have included them in the blog before and they have been featured on the Food Network. They have location at Harrah's in Reno and I'm so glad it's not any closer.

 

Buttermilk Biscuits with Honey Butter. As I am trying to be "good" I brought mine home and had it for breakfast the next day.

 Chris almost always gets the same thing. The sage fried chicken. This is the Sage Fried Chicken Benedict. I love there aggressive use of Rosemary as a garnish. Plus they also deep fry angel hair pasta as a garnish. It makes a very lovely plating.

I decided to try something new, The Kokomo Sandwich. I have no idea why it is named that. It was a giant portion on meatloaf, tomato paste,  and mozzarella cheese on white bread with a side of pan fried mashed potatoes topped with slices of bacon and grilled cheddar cheese. I died just looking at it. I finished eating it on Thursday and I didn't even eat the bread!

We really weren't prepared for the drive home though. We left at 7:45 and it was snowing when we got to about 5,000 feet. Several of you received texts stating our last known whereabouts in case something happened. The snow wasn't heavy but it was blowing sideways, the roads were icy and we were in the little car. That car isn't built for any kind of adverse driving condition but we obviously made it. We were home at 10pm. 

This more proof that the best thing about Sacramento is that it is 2 hours from everywhere you want to go. Including home if you get on an airplane. Summer is approaching and I hope some of you will consider a visit down here. We could go to the Hash House! But obviously the countryside is beautiful too. This was a successful Earth Day adventure.

Next blog will be about the MS Walk and my 5 week results from Kaia. I also have a 10 day road trip home in May for Mother's Day. I promise I will have more adventure blogs and less exercise blogs in the future :)

-Angelina

The Dunk Tank

Hola, Amigos!

I've been really busy these last few weeks but I wanted to share with you some cool things that have happened.

I promised you guys full disclosure a long time ago about my health battles so here goes....

On the 7th I underwent Hydrostatic Body Fat Testing. I had never even heard about this technology until recently. They are very very adamant about calling it "the gold standard" for body fat testing so I wasn't sure if I was being fed a line or what. I've always been curious about how accurate BMI charts can be so the opportunity to try something that would be very specific to me appealed to me. Basically they weigh you underwater and with technology given to us by aliens they can determine your fat vs. lean mass as well as your basal metabolic rate.

Here's a video of the process:

 It was quick, it was painless, the guys that administered my test made me feel very comfortable and I got a 4 page print out of whats going on with my body as a souvenir.

I was really prepared to find out that I am over 50% body fat. I mean when you go to the doctor anyone over 40% just gets the >40 on their chart and that has been me for a long time. When they weighed me I rang in at 224.8 and since I'm 5'3" here I am thinking that I should weigh 110lbs. ( I blame the media for that by the way. Stupid TV) . But here's the not-so-skinny:

My body fat came in at 41.4%

The weight of my body fat is 93 lbs!

The weight of my my lean mass ( muscles, tissues, organs etc.) is 131.75!

That's fucking awesome!

It may not sound awesome to you, but what that told me is that the person living inside all of this weighs more than 131 lbs! In fact at a healthy body fat level I would probably weigh 150 to 165 lbs. And that is really encouraging when you are starting over 220. To know that you don't have to lose half of yourself really takes some weight off of your shoulders ( now if it would only take some off my hips...)

I got a print out list of how many pounds I need to loose to bring my self down on the BMI scale. And this is pounds of body fat. Not just pounds on a scale. Let's get serious here. What does a scale really weigh? Everything. So never know if what you see dropping on the scale is adipose fat, muscles, or the really big lunch you had. As I said before I have no numerical goal for my scale weight.I just want to see it dropping even a little at a time. I do know that I don't want to loose any muscle. In fact I wouldn't be upset if I gained muscle, I want to gain muscle. Did I tell you I can do a push ups now? Because I can. And that is because I have been gaining muscle.

I will be able to take this test again in August. Which is perfect because it will give me 4 months to work on my muscles, lose some body fat and that 4 month result is what I will really base my success on. Not how much I weigh on a scale, but how much body fat I have lost. The results also included my resting metabolic rate. This was super informative for me because ( and again I blame the media) you get all this info that makes you think that to lose weight you should eat less and exercise more in a severe fashion. It is true to an extent but there is a point where your body kinda stalls because it gets all fight or flight. My body needs 1795 calories a day just to lay around. That's my resting rate. So if I go to Kaia ( burn 700 cal) and then hit the treadmill ( 350 cal) I am burning 2845 calories. To have a healthy weight loss I should eat 2000- 2300 calories that day, not 1400. I will admit that I have been counting calories with my Fitbit and I average 1700-1900 a day. I am finding it hard to eat more than that too simply because Chris and I are eating a lot healthier and vegetables aren't high calorie foods. To quote a fellow Kaia girl:

"It takes a lot of kale to eat 2300 calories a day."

Now for some less exciting news....

On April 8th I had my 6 month appointment with my Neurologist. We had a good visit and he really applauded the changes I have been making. He is happy to hear that I want to lose fat and gain muscles instead of the ever vague "weight".  In my condition the healthier your body is early, the healthier my body will stay long term. And as I am constantly mentally preparing myself for the day when I will be in a wheelchair, I would really like to be in my 60's or never ever as opposed to sooner. As nice as this appointment was I left it with two more prescriptions and now I am up to 3 pills a day, 4 on Saturdays :( I don't even want to tell you what my new med is for.  It's probably pretty common place but it's super embarrassing because I am not elderly. Let's just say I finally have a condition as a result of having MS and thank God it's not Diabetes.

I'm going to save my final inches lost and weight lost next week after I finish my last week of Kaia. My last class is next Saturday and then Sunday I am walking in the MS Walk with my friend Carmody.

You can donate to Team Emerald Exiles here if you are so inclined. We are $400 away from our goal and I have been walking every day to get ready for this. This years MS Walk is going to be kind of a practice for me as I am signed up to do the Women's Fitness Festival 5K in June and I plan on running at least 1 of those miles.

And I'm going to share this picture.
I should hate the way my stomach looks but I love my niece and the memory too much to care. I got to spend my 32nd birthday with my family last week and it was awesome. Haley had a bit of a rough moment and I will always remember what we were talking about right then. It's a big sister thing :)

Get ready for the big blog next week!

Adios!

Three And A Half Inches

I love Kaia FIT!

It's been two weeks and I have attended 7 of the 8 classes. Unfortunately I was only able to go to 1 Yoga class in the last two weeks. Once, it was cancelled and this week I had family in town. I made it to Kaia but the other days were impossible. I think it's acceptable to skip so I can pick my Mom up at the airport and to go to the ocean instead. We did a long walk at Stinson Beach if that counts :) The day class was cancelled Chris and I drove to the Point Reyes Seashore and walked all over too. I think those count as work outs.

Kaia is hard. That being said I highly recommend it. If you have zero discipline, like me, this is a perfect program. Yes, I totally scoffed when I got the initial email that told me what I should and shouldn't eat ( Nine cups of greens a day? Bitch, please) and I would probably have better results if I followed them but I am getting results and I am happy with them.

Kaia FIT (functional intense training) is a women's only program that is not your traditional gym. The classes are either 5 or 6 weeks, 4 or 5 days a week. You can go constantly, which a lot of women do, or you can go one class at a time. I am enrolled in the Core class, 4 days a week for 5 weeks. Every class is something different, we never do the same thing twice. This is great because it keeps us from getting bored and it works all of your muscles. There isn't anything heavier then a 10 lb. kettle bell in the gym. We do an intense workout of squats, push ups, jacks, more squats, sit ups, squats, burpees followed by squats, take a lap, do some squats, run some lines, do more squats oh and did I mention the SQUATS! Sometimes I come home and have to pee and think to myself, " Not another effin squat! But I really have to pee!" But what's a girl to do? (Squats apparently...)

To quote the great Tai from the greatest movie of my generation, Clueless:

I think about the above every time I finish a set of squats. And while my buns don't feel nothing like steel, I do want to keep doing them. I checked and Kaia is offered in Kitsap County if you want to check it out. I was initially hesitant about a women's only program but this program is super motivating. The coaches are motivating and so far the other women are all really supportive of each other. We sweat, we groan, we fart while doing downward facing dog pose, and no one cares. My class has elderly women, obese women, stick thin women, and really buff women and we are all sweaty and laying on the floor together after 60 minutes. Chris is trying to convince me that what we are doing is basically a super feminized, non intimidating version of CrossFit. I'm not so sure. But I will say that who ever invented the Burpee is an asshole.

I have also made a few purchases. The first being a pair of 2 lb. weights. Laugh all you want but if you hold them while doing the dance routines from Just Dance, your arms will want to fall off. Trust me.

I also bought a FitBit. I am loving it because it is keeping me motivated to keep moving. It's like a game I can play with myself. I park a little further away from the store so I can get in more steps and try to get all my lights to light up. I have set my goal at 3 miles, 10,000 steps a day, and 30 active minutes. I like that it monitors my sleep too. I have tracked that I actually sleep better when it rains outside or I listen to my rain app to fall asleep. I thought this was true but this proves it. You can take this girl out of the Northwest but you can't take the Northwest out of this girl :)

The biggest purchase so far was this morning. After hearing such good reviews we finally went to Fleet Feet Sports in downtown Sac and I was fitted for shoes and inserts.  I can't say enough good things about the staff there. Molly was incredibly helpful and explained a lot of things to me. I told her I have plantar fascitis in my right foot and I needed inserts. It's painful to walk on everyday. In the last three weeks since I haven't been working 90% of my hip pain has gone away. Leading me to believe those damn Shoes for Crews have been trying to kill me all along! But my foot is a whole other story. After a bunch of measurements I was fitted into a beautiful new pair of running shoes, inserts that will keep my feet in line, and inserts for my daily shoes.  Sunday is supposed to be my day off from exercising but I couldn't wait to break them in so Chris and I went on a 2 mile walk this afternoon.  Now I have proper footwear for Kaia ( trainers), wogging ( running shoes), and inserts for my daily shoes.  I also have a question for my runner friends, How important are those synthetic running socks? And why do they cost $10 a pair. I'm not even a full on jogger yet so it seems silly to buy them but are they really necessary or is this just part of the fitness money making machine?

My new shoes: Asics Cumulus 16

Also, wogging is a real thing. http://www.webmd.com/fitness-exercise/features/born-to-run-walk

Tomorrow I start phase two of my plan: Two a day workouts! In additon to Kaia and Yoga class I am going to go to another class offered at CalFit to see what other classes I like. I plan on attending  a Kickboxing, Water Aerobic, Zumba, Balletone, and a Pilates class this week. I will also be adding more miles to my life this week because I have three weeks until the MS Walk.

So... I bet your still wondering what three and a half inches is?

3.5 inches how much smaller I am than I was two weeks ago! It's just a little bit here and there but two of those inches is off my waist :) I haven't weighed myself either. I feel fatter but I also feel stronger. On the first day of Kaia I was doing lame push ups and on Friday my push ups were way better. I also can sustain a downward facing dog pose which on Day One, I was wobbling all over the place. On Friday I was in plank position hopping both legs forward  and backward instead of stepping them forward individually like I did on Day One.  I am noticing all these little differences and feel accomplished. I wonder what I will be able to do when the 5 weeks are over?

I will be doing the MS Walk that's for sure!

Feel free to donate here: Here Support Team Emerald Exiles for the second year!

Cha-Cha-Changes

Oh hey :)

And for 372nd time....I'm Back!

It's for real this time. Seriously. If you follow me on Facebook you kinda know what's up.

I lost my job :(

I was part of a mass layoff  in the region. It was pretty devastating. After we got notice we were out of the store in 8 days. It's been 12 days since I found out and I have gone through all the stages of loss & grief.

1. Denial - During the liquidation process part of me kept thinking that was some sort of crazy promotion.

2. Anger-  I lost count of the times I told people "I give zero fucks. Do whatever you want."

3. Bargaining- The feeling that it's because I am in someway inadequate. I was involved in 2 of the 3 stores that closed. People put a lot of faith in me and somehow maybe I contributed to this failure.

4. Depression- This didn't really happen. I don't have time for that. Unless you count the upset that I made the job my life for 18 months and in the end, it was for nothing. Because that feeling is the worst.

5. Acceptance- This one came pretty quick. I was pretty much ready to pack up and go the next day. I didn't want to spend one more day in that store when I knew nothing good could come of it. I came up with a list pretty quick of all the things I can do now. Chris and I had some long talks about how this impacts us, how we can recover from this, and how to move on.

Here is the greatest irony of all this: four days earlier I FINALLY got the gypsy tattoo I've been planning on for four years. Four years ago I drew this tattoo because I wanted to incorporate my Mexican heritage into a tattoo that expressed me. I love traveling. I have a serious wanderlust and curiosity about everywhere that I never been. (In fact my only goal the entire time I worked at the store was to get to travel somewhere as a trainer, meet new people, and visit a place I have never been  and it never once happened.) So I turned the gypsy into a calavera, added red roses for tradition, a spiderweb because I'm a little creepy, and stitches on her face because she is a fighter and she is healing.

The amazing tattoo artist suggested changing her hair to look more my like mine and boom.... Ginny was brought to life. What I learned was that gypsy tattoos are to symbolize looking into the future and/ or to symbolize living a life with magic. And well boom again... 4 days later I'm looking a future very different then the one I had planned.

 So here I am, ready to move forward.

After a lot of talking and number crunching Chris and I decided that I am going to stay home for awhile. Yep, I'm going to be a housewife... at least temporarily.

The biggest factor in this is my health. I'm sure you have noticed that I never write on this blog anymore. When I do, I usually write about how tired I am. My baking job was laboring. My manager job was stressful and laboring. I devoted all of my energy towards being successful and would come home with nothing left. My schedule had me punching in at 5am everyday, which means my alarm was going off at 3:45 am. In order to get an adequate amount of sleep, which is extremely important in people with MS, I was going to bed at 8pm. Yes, I was home by 3pm most days but I was so worn out that would sometimes nap on the couch. I never wanted to cook dinner so we would get take out all the time. I never got to spend much time with Chris who would be at work until 8pm,  and I'd be long asleep before he got home. My days off were always split up so I was always in a state of coming or going to work. Even if I didn't have to work the next day, I'd still been awake since before 4am and would fall asleep early. Everyday I thought about going to the gym but it always remained a thought. I lacked the energy to leave the apartment and go and my mind was always preoccupied with work related things.

This has taken a toll on my physical health as I'm at an almost record setting 223 lbs and my right hip feels ready for replacement and causes me to walk ridiculously.When the pharmacy last called to refill my prescription I still had 45 pills in my bottle. Which means over time I had missed 22 days of a 2x a day medication.  It has taken its toll on our relationship also as Chris has a rotating schedule for work and it never matched up with mine. We would go days without spending any quality time together and we would be under the same roof! The apartment was a disaster with Chris being away for long hours and I'd be too tired to do anything about it. So while this situation came out of the blue and is emotionally hard for me, it may be just what we need.

So we agreed on a few things, the first being that my new job is to focus on my health physically and mentally. Whether what I have been experiencing is a result of my condition or being overweight, I need to correct it. As of today, I'm at 223 lbs. This is 13 lbs shy of the heaviest I have ever been and 25 lbs heavier then my weight when I left Washington. I've put on 25 lbs in 2 years! Recently someone I love very much was diagnosed with Cancer. She has decided that rather than undergo treatments she is going to "make better decisions". I like that. And as she is going through something more difficult then I can imagine, I owe her that I will do the same. I will make better decisions too.

So here is the big news I alluded to on Facebook... I joined a 5 week boot camp style exercise program. No joke. Monday morning I will report in to Kaia FIT  for a 4 day a week program. I also will be going to Yoga 2x a week at CalFit. The next weeks I am guaranteed to be sore and cranky but it will be worth it I hope. This program is supposed to be different then your typical boot camp fitness class. It it well reviewed and I hope it lives up to the expectations. I will keep posting about this and let you know how it goes. Coincidentally, at the end of the 5 weeks is the 2014 MS Walk. Last year Chris and I finished in 1 hour 9 min because we walked the whole path in a heard of people. I hope to change that this year. I don't have a clear goal because I don't know what a realistic one would be, so I'm just looking for improvement.

I also want to make it very clear that I am looking to improve my HEALTH, not my WEIGHT. Weight is just a number and it's also just piece of your overall health. I do not have a numerical goal, I have a feeling I am trying to achieve. The feeling of being awake, alive, and full of energy. I haven't had this for awhile.Yes, pounds will come off but pounds will also stay in the form of muscles. I'm not associating a number with any of it.

I'm telling you all this so you will hold me accountable. I will be able to keep up with this blog once again and I will update you on my progress and my set backs, because let's be real here you know there will be some. Today I am taking a mental health day and heading out to Napa with a friend. Yep, I said it. I admit that I have friends here now. It took a catastrophic event to realize that I had them the whole time, even if I didn't realize it.

So here we go, Day One was yesterday. I took some before pictures in my new swimsuit and we will see how this ahem...landscape...changes over the weeks and months. And yes, as yesterday was Tuesday I went to Yoga class. I'm pretty sore today but I had a lot of additional energy yesterday!

That darn swimsuit is pretty cute huh?

Rolling Soul-o Part 1

I'm in recovery.

Of sorts....

I had a very long stretch of days/hours/minutes at work that I needed to recover from. Sunday was my first day off in 10 days for a total of 97 hours. It was full of physical recovery. I slept. I napped. I slept some more. I ate an entire pint of Talenti Caramel Cookies-n-Cream gelato. I watched the Seahawks game, the Sounders game and rested. It helped. A little...

I returned to work Monday at 5 am :( For another 10 hours :(

I wasn't mentally recovered. I needed to do something for myself. Something that would actually turn my brain down to zero (ish). Something where no one was calling my name.  Low stress. I had tickets to a concert that Tuesday night and I happened to be off that entire day. The concert was going to be fun but it still felt like a bit of a production. I had to return to work today at 5am so was it really smart of me to stay out past 11? Not at all. Was I willing to do it? Yes. Was I really excited when my date called me and said she had to cancel? Oh yes. It was a great excuse not to go and not feel like I was pooping out on something I was looking forward to. Those tickets went to a good home and I got to spend the day in Napa Valley.

Chris and I are members at a Calistoga winery called Cuvaison. We first drank their wine back in April at a friend in Seattles home. Then my fabulous hair stylist Chanel recommended that if I go out to Napa I should go to Cuvaison and visit St. Helena. Chris and I did and as usual, Chanel was right. It was a great little place with fantastic wines. For the record, Chanel is right about everything. I spend an amount equal to my electric bill to get my hair done by her and it's so worth it. She always has great advice about where to eat in Sacramento and San Francisco, what wineries I should visit in the valley, and well ....life. I can text her anytime of day ( and I do) with a question about a recommendation and she has an answer. Her dream is to own a day spa with a wine bar and farm to table foods for guests. She goes to wine country every other Thursday for a "me day" and explores new restaurants and different wineries. She is obsessed with chocolates too. In fact, the price of my hair includes a head and shoulder massage, aromatherapy, deep conditioning treatment and all the chocolates I can stuff in my face. But enough about the fabulous Chanel.

With Chris working I was free to hit the road solo and go pick up our September wine club package. Chanel would have been very proud. I curled my hair, downloaded a new audiobook for the drive, and hit the road.

In typical Angelina fashion I had some difficulty navigating the roads. After 14 months of living here I finally figured out I-5 and was so excited I got on I-5, only to remember I needed to be on the 80. Damn. Then I made it to the interchange and some trucks tried to run me off the road i.e would let me merge properly and I was forced to exit off and then I had to navigate around and back and well ... you get the idea.

But I made it. My first stop was the Oxbow Public Market. I had read in The Bee that it is a cool as the ferry terminal market in San Francisco. It's not. But I did see some hilarious people! As in Napa Natives. They exist. But I think I would rather spend time with a Chupacabra. Example #1 was a lady in her yoga clothes pushing an enclosed pink stroller that held some sort of white curly dog. A Maltipoo? A Goldendoodle? Some white curly designer dog that had a pink bow in it's hair and was being pushed in a stroller alongside it's toys. Either she saw my face or the very obviously horrified face of the woman next to me, as we were standing next to the entrance sign that said " NO DOGS OR OTHER ANIMALS. THIS INCLUDES SNAKES AND RABBITS."   I know this because I was wondering why was it so specific? Who is this person who brought their python to the farmers market and was like," It says no dogs."

And Rabbits. Who brought the rabbits? How do you wrangle rabbits into a farmers market? I suppose you could put them in a shiny pink stroller but the phrase "herding cats" comes to mind and frankly, hearding rabbits sounds worse. Maybe there was a snake and rabbit incident? Now that, that would have been awesome. Just imagine a farmers market full of middle aged women in matching twinsets inspecting the heirloom tomatoes...

Lady #1, in a Chico's ensemble:  I prefer the Brandywine variety when I am making Bruschetta but I suppose these... my word is that a Python?"

Lady #2, in an Ann Taylor Twinset : I think so. How strange? The sign clearly says no dogs.

Lady #3, let's call her Talbots and she is holding her pet angora rabbit, Princess Grace: I know it says no dogs, that why I know I can bring Gracie here no problem. The dogs scare her so. This is the best place to get free range, vegetarian feed, organic carrots for her. You know she is so sensitive OH MY GOD AHHHHH! GRACIE! OH MY GRACIE! AHHHHHHHHHH! 

Anyway, that didn't happen but it could have. It was a very specific sign.

And the whole point of that was to tell you that the lady with the designer dog in a stroller looked directly us and said...

"Therapy dogs don't count. "

And then wheeled her stroller up the handicapped ramp and indoors.

Also, at the same market I saw some mommy-shaming that made me so upset! And I am not even a mother! The nerve of some people is unreal sometimes. A woman had two kids with her. One was an infant in the carrier on her chest and the other was a toddler holding her hand. She really was inspecting heirloom tomatoes and was talking to the attendant about her children's eating habits. She was saying something I caught the end of which ended like this...

Mom: ... and paper. It's like her favorite food besides breastmilk. If she can get her hands on some paper she loves to chew it up.

Smarmy Attendant: Really? So what do you think is missing in YOUR diet that she is craving paper? Is there something more YOU could be doing so she is satisfied. 

Oh holy hell. I would love to hear in the comments below how you would have reacted. I wish I had stuck around to see what the mother said. That was so crazy to me that anyone, stranger or familiar, would attack a mom like that for what is a totally normal child behavior. Babies will put anything in their mouth! Especially if it makes noise! Wow.

Anyway, my journey continued onward but I just finished a marvelous glass of Brandlin 2009 Zinfandel and this journey is continuing on to bed. More to come tomorrow! Goodnight!

Remember the Moments

How many times am I going to start a blog with "I'm back!"

Hopefully not too many more times.....

But " Hey, I'm back!"

I took an unintentional summer hiatus. This came about due to a myriad of reasons. The first being work. Not that my job became 60 hours a week or anything physically exhausting, but I did have to tackle some new roles and challenges. And since I won't blog anything about my job I felt like I didn't have much material to work from. Second, I realized that isn't quite true. I did plenty of great things this summer but if I only wrote about the awesome parts of my life would I be turning this blog into a great big humble brag? Is my blog already a great big unintentional humble brag? Dammit. I still can't quite figure out this chicken/egg quandary.

Thirdly, I really wanted to continue to live what I preached about being present in the moments while they are happening. In this age where we can document every moment of our lives ( like.. uhhh.. vanity blogging) we are prone to reliving everything we do in digital fashions instead of just, you know, enjoying the moments as they happen. I want to fondly remember things because of what happened and how I felt as opposed to letting how many hits or likes I received dictate they value of my memories.

Fourthly and finally, my computer broke. So there's that.

But yesterday started some new chapters for both Chris and myself. It was my first day at my new store where I will be the bakery manager :) It was exciting, like the first day of school. It was like this last year when we opened store 152 but I was the new kid, and now I'm a cool kid! LOL. You want to see me go crazy? Show me 200 shiny new cookie sheets.

Personally and professionally things are looking up for Chris and I. His company is undergoing some staffing changes and his work load is about to increase also, but he is on a great track.  We've been here a year now and have made some friends. We are still learning about the city but we have mostly stopped making jokes about moving anywhere besides home. Chris has taken to calling me a Californian due to my love of straw fedoras and my sandal tan lines. I refuse to accept this. Particularly since he keeps using the non-word "Hella". Which one of us has gone native?

But really this best thing about Sacramento is its close proximity to everything we love. It's 2 hours to anywhere great, including home if you get on an airplane. And that is why my summer vacation included not one but two trips home to the Northwest, two trips to San Francisco, a trip to Sonoma, Lake Henessey, Lake Tahoe, the discovery of fabulous new restaurants, a John Mayer concert that was surrounded by a beautiful country fields, an Oakland A's game ( I wore my Seattle Mariners shirt),  and 2 more 5K's.

Speaking of 5K's, Chris and I did the Neon Splash Dash over the weekend and it was a blast! And I fulfilled my goal of riding a Golden Bear. Seriously. When we moved here and I saw all those bears near the Expo I wanted to mount one so bad! And with a little help from Chris I was able to do so.

 All done! Third 5K is in the books.

Chris thinks there is a toddler picture of him somewhere looking just like this. Maybe even including stained shirt.

Success!

I have so many pictures from my bachelorette party that look similar to this, I could start a Tumblr.

Bonus Photo: I didn't put this one on Facebook. I was trying to look like I was wrestling the bear. Fail.

See you soon? Talk to you soon? Talk at you soon? Write at you soon? Who knows how you are supposed to properly end this stuff?

Sincerely,

Angelina McKenna

Here I Grow Again

Who wears thick glasses and has two green thumbs?

This girl!

Remember last August when I decided to try my hand at gardening? If you don't, visit the blog entitled There She Grows and then continue on here.

Last summer's first attempt was successful. I learned all the things NOT to do. I managed to harvest 6 whole green beans before white flies devoured my plants. I planted all my onions in the clumps that transplants came in and they never grew. So we took them apart and planted them seperate and then they died. The herbs lasted until winter frosts then they died also. And despite possesing one award winning Future Farmers of America jacket, Chris is little to no help at all. He never knows the answers to my questions and when I learn the hard way about something he always chimes in with " I know."  When I ask him if he is just trying to Mr. Miyagi me he raises an eyebrow and claims " I knew when it happened."

Jerk.

What he really means is "I didn't know until right NOW, but now I am going to pretend I knew the whole time and was purposely Miyagi-ing you."

Double Jerk.

So when I planted the winter garden I ignored him and consulted the internet and my handy Western Garden Edibles book. I had never been through a "winter" in California and was unprepared for the temperature drop.  Sure daytime lows are in the 60's but it really does drop to freezing over night. And that is how I lost everything. My broccoli bolted. My celery only grew tops, never bottoms. The garlic never grew at all and the white flies never stopped. Ever. I had an intense conversation with the master gardener at Green Acres, my favorite local nursery, about sprays and pesticides. He recommended an organic spray that I had already tried. It had seemed to make them multiply. I distinctly remember telling him, " No. I need poison. I want them dead, not to get an aromatherapy spa treatment." He asked if he could use that line when he teaches classes, I obliged.

Well on the first day of spring this year I dusted off my trowel and gloves and washed my pots. I hit up Green Acres and put a small dent in my bank account and got to work.

Oh hey. Angelina here. I started this blog on May 19 and just got back to it today. Whoops.

Anyhoo. If this was Little Spoon Garden 3 weeks ago, my has she grown! Just seeing this makes me want to hug my tomatillos! She is growing so big I already had to stake her :) And her little yellow flowers are darling.

I'm learning a lot about gardening. I love it. I can't wait for the day when I actually have a patch of grass of my own and I can learn about soil conditions and spacing and crops. I love coming home after work and pinching off a sprig of mint for my iced tea ( um.. or mojito). I love picking fresh basil and oregano to sauté with veggies for dinner. I wish I was growing all those veggies but I'm doing what I can.

When I planted back in March, I planted butter lettuce. I love butter lettuce. Turns out, snails do to. And sadly my first round of lettuce went to the snails. I was content just picking the snails up and flinging them in the bushes for a while, but they were relentless. The term snails pace is such a joke. Those mother effers are fast. Every day they were back. Every day I lost lettuce leaves. I was so frustrated I caved in and bought some snail killer.

I'm unhappy to report that they won that first battle and the entire war. Not only did they get the lettuce, I successfully killed them all with something terrifying called Corry's Slug and Snail Death. Then the perimeter of my patio was littered with 40 something snail shells. And than the lettuce bolted and I couldn't eat it anyway!

Don't be abhorred by my use of Snail Death. I never put it in contact with any of my plants. I lined one side of the perimeter of my patio and have only had one perimeter breach in 2 months. If the snails had any brains they could avoid it entirely and go through the two unprotected ends. There are also no children or pets present to poison, just snails.

Plus I am trying this organic non-pesticide Neem Oil spray to keep the aphids away. It's working. You know what seems to feed off it though? White Flies.  I'm back to where I started with this problem.

Another gardening lesson learned is the truth about those Topsy Turvey pieces of crap. I bought one for strawberries and one for tomatoes. We haven't even used the tomato one because our tomatoes are growing gang busters in regular pots. I was going to plant cherry tomatoes in it but I gave them to the neighbor kid ( more on that later.) Chris loaded up the strawberry hanger and it was so heavy with soil that there is no way we could have safely hung it anywhere. It is pictured in the above photo but I threw the whole thing out shortly after. We had to sit it on the shelf and all it ever did was funnel water out of every single hole when you watered it. The pineapple sage grew well in it though. I dug that out and repotted it and it is delightful.

Another small gardening misadventure is that you should not buy anything called Grapefruit Mint. Sure, it smells lovely and sounds tangy and delightful. But no. Just no. Don't do it. It tastes like a peppercorn. And you don't want to toss it out because it is still alive. But you know you are never going to eat it. And yet you feed and water it and it grows giant and full and it is still on your patio taking up space and growing bigger and still tasting horrible no matter what you do. And WHY IS IT STILL ON MY PATIO? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS TERRIBLE PEPPER BARF PLANT?!

In closing, my neighbor kid is always peeking at my plants. He thinks they are the bees knees. So one day when I was out there watering them I started talking to him and his friend. I was telling them what the different plants were and how you could pick  mint leaves off and eat them. They looked confused. I picked off some spearmint and peppermint leaves and started chewing while I picked more for them. They chewed and responded...

" Is this a toothpaste plant? This plant tastes like toothpaste."

Young urban kids say the darndest things

And that is when I gave him my cherry tomato plant. He is growing it quite successfully and learning that food does not just appear at the grocery store. And hopefully that in this chicken vs. egg scenario, the plant always comes before the toothpaste.

Thirty One

Earlier this month, I turned 31. It freaked me out for about a week prior. The whole realization that 30 was over.... ick. And here is why...

I'm no longer 30. I'm IN my 30's.

I was on an edge, now I'm completely, undeniably thirtysomething.

(Thirty-ish?)

( I think I like that better.)

I think all the hype about turning 30 comes from the expectations we give ourselves when are younger. Expectations about the things we will do when we are adults. Because when you are 30, you are clearly an adult ( or so you think when you are 18 -24). So when we see ourselves reach that line, we panic, we withdraw, we deny. We dust off these mental lists from 10 years ago and realize we haven't made any progress.

 " I'm such a failure! 30 can't be happening! I never backpacked through Europe. I never followed Hoobastank on a North American tour! I haven't read Lady Chatterly's Lover! I don't have 1.5 kids! I never went to Lake Havasu for MTV Spring Break! I still don't know who let the dogs out!!!".

Maybe somewhere along the way we should have updated our lists? Maybe we do. Maybe that's why 40 freaks everyone out also. Because we realized we haven't completed our second chance list?

I'm sure you twenty somethings are rolling your eyes at me. And I'm sure you forty somethings are rolling your eyes at me too. Old People. Young Bucks. We are one and the same.

But here is what the surprise was for me while I aged between 30 and 31.

The aging.

The god damn aging.

I had no idea that your 30's require so much maintenance! I really thought it was optional. Or only for the vain. And I suppose ultimately it is optional and that some of it is just for the vain. And maybe it is because I shy away from those hateful women's magazines but I didn't know any of this.

(Is being out of touch with these modern realities a sign of aging too? If it is, I'm screwed.)

I HAD TO PURCHASE AGE DEFYING CONCEALER.
 I say "had to" because the dark circles under my eyes are no joke. And trust me, I sleep 7 to 8 hours every night. Lack of sleep is not the problem.

UPON APPLYING SAID CONCEALER, I REALIZED MY EYE SKIN DOESN'T BOUNCE BACK THE WAY IT USED TO.
 Fuck. Gross. See you later elasticity. I never liked you anyway.

( no seriously, please come back. I miss you.)

ONE DAY, CHRIS LOOKED OVER AND SAID " YOU HAVE CUTE LITTLE CROW'S FEET."
I would hate him but he is right. Maybe I hate him for being right.

I HAVE A VERICOSE VEIN ON MY FOOT.

MY BOOBS ARE NO LONGER ON THE UPPER THIRD OF MY CHEST.
Not entirely true. One of them is.

I CARRY A $20 TUBE OF DRY SKIN CREAM IN MY PURSE AT ALL TIMES.
And I apply it everyday because I will look like a dragon if I don't.

I TAKE 6 VITAMINS A DAY. I CARRY THEM IN MY PURSE. ALONG WITH PAIN MEDICATIONS.
Because I have enough pains that I always need to be prepared for them? Sad truth.

A MONTHLY MASSAGE IS NO LONGER A SPLURGE, IT'S A NECESSITY.
Same goes for Chiropractic.

THE GYNOCOLOGIST TOLD ME I'M RUNNING OUT OF TIME.
Die bitch, die.

I HAVE A FLEX SPENDING ACCOUNT.
Two years ago I didn't even know what this was.

I SPENT $27 ON A CONCEALER CALLED ERASE PASTE.
It's the only thing thick enough to cover my broken capillaries. Yep, broken capillaries. Ew.

MY USE THE  TOOTHPASTE SOLD BY THE ELDERLY PEOPLE IN SENSODYNE COMMERCIALS.
Pronamel Whitening. I have way too much enamel erosion.

I want to clarify that I am not complaining about any of this. It has just been alot to absorb. I expected all this stuff to happen when I became an adult. You know, after I had 1.5 kids, paid property taxes, went on a Carnival cruise and other adult things. And I plan on doing nothing about any of it. Nothing. No Botox, no Restalyne, no surgeries or procedures. De nada. Zero. Nothing.

I plan on aging gracefully. So I apply hempseed hand protector generously. I use a day cream and a night cream. I SPF myself to death. I swallow 6 vitamins a day and my nails grow strong and white. I brush and floss twice a day. And I will confess to you my most revolutionary secret. Seriously.This one gets gasps. Are you ready?

I quit coloring my hair.

Yep.

September was the last time I colored it and I had them try to match it as close as possible to my roots. It has been nearly 8 months.

I have grey hair too. Quite a bit for my age. I like it. Liking my grey hair was the biggest bit in learning to let go of hair color. I look forward to having long pretty grey hair. I never want to be in that awkward phase of grey roots and colored hair and than having to cut my hair old lady short in order to get rid of it. Not this girl.  My hair stylist is horrorfied. To the point of asking me everytime I see her if I am ready to change my mind. It's getting annoying. She called other stylists over one time and tugged at my curls and said" She's letting them grey. She's giving up the color." They were stunned. Who knows how I will feel about this later. But right now it feels really good.

And on my off days I choose to think of my hair as turning California blonde. Because the hair isn't grey, it's white.

Well it's 8:30 now. Time to go brush, floss, wash, exfoliate, and tone. I will brush my hair, tweeze my loose brow hairs, and rub coconut oil on my elbows and ankles. I will pour a glass of wine and try to finish my book but I will probably just fall asleep. C'est la vie.

Heart

No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.
-Buddha

I'm not sure I know enough words to fully describe the last 72 hours. Just imagine every word for generosity you can think of and roll it into one big emotion.

When Chris and I signed up to do the MS Walk in March, we imagined we would have plenty of time to raise some money. The website tells you that the average team raises $400 and is comprised of 4 people. Since there are two of us we set our goal at $200.

And as you all well know, life happens.

So Friday morning rolls around and I start pumping for donations on Facebook. The first one rolls in and we are excited...

...and the ball keeps rolling....

Can I channel my inner Sally Field here and just say " You like me....You really like me."

Because in 48 hours we managed to raise $500!!!!!!!!

That's two zeros my friends.

Five.Hundred.Dollars.

I have a debt of gratitude for each and every one of you. You have truly made me feel like one special lady. Even those who couldn't donate because your emotional support means millions to me as well. I texted a co-worker that I feel overwhelmed knowing that I have the best friends a girl could ever ask for. She agreed. She says it must be because I must be such a good friend. I hope she is right. And I now have a lot to live up to.

So here is a slurry of photos from this morning. Also, since I love to share what songs I've been jamming to lately. Here's a little video to provide the soundtrack. I downloaded this album to listen to on my flight back to Washington in March because I loved the Phillip Phillips song "Home" so much. And not surprisingly, I love this song even more. I fell in love from the first verse.

 MS Walk 2013

 

 

They gave me sharpie.

Chris and the official shirt. He also let me have control of the sharpie.

 

Ready to Walk!

 

We found The Dude. I wanted to invite him out for White Russians after the walk. Chris ix-nayed that idea.

And this happened. We walked past this church and well, how could you pass it up? I received a lot of cheers for running over and posing, but I didn't see anybody else do it. It turned out to be the greatest photo of my life. I want this etched on my tombstone.

 

Team Emerald City Exiles after the finish line! Our first 5K under our belts. Yes, it was a walk. But we have to start somewhere, right? We are signed up for another one in May. Our plan is to walk/jog.  Clearly we are overweight, but we are working on it. It's a marathon, not a sprint eh?

 

 

 

I had to take this photo for my girl Shauna. You're welcome.

 

 

Thank you again and again and all over again. Now go hug your loved ones. Eat chocolate. Or better yet, a Cool Ranch Dorito Taco. Because I finally gave in and tried one today. Life will never be the same.

 

And I will love you all long after you are gone, gone, gone.

We Are Timeless

Forgive me readers for I have sinned.

It's been nearly two months since my last blog and during this time countless things good and bad have occured.

I have made a stronger commitment to my well being and have been considerably less symptomatic than the last time you heard from me. I have taken all my vitamins everyday for the last two months ( But I'm still off my meds but you will have to forgive me for that.) I have forsaken working any hour beyond my scheduled time and am really trying to leave work at work and not worry about it during my off hours.

I have made great efforts to experience my life while it is happening. Hence, less blogging and less Facebook interactions. I have instead made efforts to hang out with real people and I think I have made a few friends.

I indulged in frequent flier miles and visted my Mother. And I gladly spent an enormous amount of money to spend a week with family when we lost our Grandmother Judy.

So in a way, this is a blog about death. Or living life. However you choose to think about it.

Chris and I are in love with a band called The Airborne Toxic Event. They are the best band you aren't listening to. The lead singer and songwriter Mikel Jollet has had some crap happen in his life and now he writes some beautiful music about it. Like me, he has an autoimmune disease. He has also suffered having 4 family members die close together. He is pretty obsessed with living and dying you might say, having his fair share while trying to absorb the mental mind fuck that is knowing that your body is its own worst enemy. Along the way, some girls dumped him. So he gave up his career as a successful writer and started writing songs.

I get him. I do.

I'm also pretty obsessed with living my life.

I'm going to spare you all of the details but Chris and I headed to San Francisco yesterday to see The Airborne at the Warfield Theater. They were incredible as always. They played their new single Timeless of the new album (that comes out on the 30th. Buy it.) and it resonated. Mikel explained that he wrote it after having 4 members of his family die including finding his Grandmother when she passed. We had already decided to drive to Half Moon Bay in the morning to see the ocean when we checked out the video for Timeless. It takes place at the ocean. Grandma Judy loved the ocean. I love the ocean.

Sometimes, so many things in your life just some together. And a song can definitly capture memories. I think I have found the song for this period of time.

 

I present to you Timeless by The Airborne Toxic Event

( and some pics from our trip to the bay)

 

 

 

We are, we are
We are timeless, timeless
Everything we have, we have,
Everything oh my god.
You are, you are,
The only thing that makes me feel like,
I can live forever, forever
With you-

Number One

I am Number One.
I am Number One.
I am Number One.

I have to write this down or start repeating it aloud so I can believe it.

Well that's not entirely true. I believe it. I just don't always remember that I believe it.

These last few weeks have been a little rough. I have worked 16 of the last 19 days in long stretches.

All starting at 6am :(

It's my fault. I don't know how to say no. I have stupidly strong desire to prove to others I can do anything. Worse than that, I have an even more stupid desire to prove to myself that I can do anything still. And it's just not true.

I recognize where my limitations are. I just ignore them.

I find myself stacking boxes and singing Jason Aldean songs to myself. The Only Way I Know is my power song. It's the mantra is repeat, which is great but sometimes I think Aldean himself would put a boot in my ass for it.

That’s the only way I know
Don’t stop till everything’s gone
Straight ahead never turn round
Don’t back up, don’t back down
Full throttle wide open
You get tired, you don’t show it
Dig a little deeper when you think you can’t dig no more
That’s the only way I know

But stress is a trigger for my MS symptoms. And I constantly ignore that because stress is the salt of life. It's always present, you just need to be careful about how much more you add.

But here's the skinny, I have been having periods of vertigo. They are fleeting and more annoying than anything but they are there. I can mind over matter them to the point that when I feel like I am spinning, I don't panic. I know that I will stay upright when I am at work because there is usually a table in front of me. But last Monday at the grocery store I started reaching around for Chris in a panic. These are almost always followed by a headache.

Last Tuesday I experience my first MS Hug. Who ever named this was accurate that it is like being hugged by a MonSter. I was heading into the freezer for some bread dough and luckily I was not holding a 45 lb. box or on a ladder. I was just standing there looking for the specific dough when I got a shooting pain in the base of my spine up to my rib cage. Then it felt like my rib cage was caving in and squishing everything inside. One second I was upright and the next I was bent in half moaning. I'm glad I was alone in the freezer because this would have freaked out my coworkers who I have no idea I have MS. The pain passes quick enough although it felt like forever. Then for the rest of the day I felt like my head was full of gas. Like it was floating in the air and only loosely connected to my neck. I had to ask for clarification and directions several times because I was instantly forgetting them. But considering what my body went through was akin to having a small seizure in a matter of seconds I woke up the next day feeling like I had been hit by a car. I was smart enough to tell my boss that I wasn't doing any heavy lifting that day. I didn't want to make things worse, I had still had 6 days of work to get through.

But yesterday was the worst. It was day 7 of my 7 day stretch and I was dead on my feet. On any given day I have the cog fog but yesterday was the worst it has been. Ever.

I had to clock in at 5 am to do inventory with my boss, (who knows BTW). I was good for awhile but but 10 am I was headed to my lunch hour and I crossed paths with my ASM who was just coming back from hers and this is what I said:

Me: " Do feel like getting a chicken?"
Her: "What? No."
Me: "I'm so tired that is not what I meant. I mean, do you feel like you are getting a chicken?"
Her: Laughing at me. " Um no. Why are you asking me this?"
Me: " This is not what I mean. Hold on, I will say the right words. I mean to say since we think it is cold out, do you feel like a chicken?"
Uncontrollable laughter is coming from both of us because this is not what I meant to say again. But I am really frustrated with myself at this point.
Her: " I don't know what you are taking about. Do chickens not like the cold?"
Me: Finally forming the almost correct words. " No, I mean because are both from colder climates and now we both think it is cold at 55 degrees. It's because we are like chickens."
??????????

I can't even explain that. I was trying to convey that since we are both from colder climates ( WA and IL) and we shouldn't think we are cold when it is 55 out. But now we both do and that makes us sissies/weinies etc. but somehow I was all about the chicken. It was awkward.

But nothing compares to the end. I was dead on my feet and although I kept telling my boss " I'm fine. I'm fine." She knew better then to believe me. I told her in the beginning I didnt want to be treated differently then anyone else but she called me out on it. I'm not sure how much gibberish I was saying to alert her. I don't remember much but the chicken conversation. After I punched out for the day I went to get my purse and sweater from the lockers and realized I was thirsty. I promptly walked into the ladies room, turned on the water, and whacked my head on the faucett. Everyone in the breakroom heard me scream and curse. It was not the water fountain I thought it was. I realized that upon whacking my head. Time to get in my car and drive home. Which in retrospect I shouldn't have done.

The last few days have given me pause about how I am abusing myself. Because I really am doing this to myself. No one is forcing me to go work overtime. No one is hiding my vitamins from me, I'm simply just not making it a priority to take them. No one beside me is making me skip Yoga class to stay home and watch Pretty Little Liars. I have no social life and haven't made any friends because I am constantly staying home and avoiding social activities. But that all changes today.

4 days ago I deleted the Facebook app from my phone. I have decided to be more present in my own life and less involved in what all of you are doing. Don't be offended. I've just come to the realization that I can enjoy my life more if I spend more time living it.

5 days ago I asked one of my coworkers if she wanted to go bowling. She gave me her number previously and said we should hang out sometime but I haven't been up to it until now. Chris and I are going bowling with she and her girlfriend and I am pretty excited. I didn't know she just recently moved here too. I thought she was a local but we are both in the same friendless boat.

And today I am starting my clean slate with myself. I wrote down the water aerobics and yoga class schedule in my planner so I can remind myself to exercise and do social activities. I am off work today and my very leisurely schedule consists of...

10:15 Yoga
4:00 Haircut and EyeBrow Wax
6:00 Hour long Swedish Massage :)

Somewhere in there I am going to shop for fruit and veggies because I need to start regularly drinking my smoothies again. As well as try to find a recomendation for a chiropractor.

I told my bosses that no matter what happens at work this week I am not coming in extra. No way. Call me and I will say no. I told them I am literally making myself sick covering for other people. I have to remind myself that the overtime is not worth my health. (Especially since California takes most of it in taxes anyway.)

Also, I would like some feedback on this....

I miss my Las Vegas tan. I was never goldeny bronze but I am pale now. And when I feel sick and look in the mirror I see how pale I am and than I am grossed out by myself. The bags around my eyes are so much clearer. I have been considering buying a couple of tanning sessions to get some color back on me and maybe boost my self-esteem a bit? You know I am never going to be an orange snookie monster but I don't feel like summer is coming fast enough for me to do this the old fashion way. Thoughts?


 Off to Yoga now.... Namaste :)